I may be crazy, but this situation is unacceptable to me.  In the past, when faced with an unacceptable situation, I’d walk away from it.  How do you walk away from the job market?  By not accepting other people’s rules.  To some degree at least.  I’ve been talking for years about working for myself, and obviously, to this day, I’ve done nothing to make that idea become a reality.  I put up a website for a product I don’t want to sell, didn’t advertise it in the hopes of not having to sell anything, and accepted my “failure” as something that just wasn’t meant to pan out.

Why do we do these things to ourselves?  I’m sure I’m not the only one who dreams of something, makes some pathetic half attempt at it, and then accepts that it’s not to be.  Are we THAT afraid of change, THAT afraid of taking a risk that we’d really rather be miserable and convince ourselves that we “really tried”?  Jesus.  WTF am I thinking?

I have a plan.  Yeah, yeah, most of my plans are like quick fixes to assauge my mind, to keep from panicking, and then it’s just business as usual.  But I made it back into school, so maybe my planning isn’t all bullshit.  And this plan has STEPS!!

Right now, my schedule is pretty frigging hectic.  Work, class, rehearsal, homework, regular home stuff, and my awesome fiance, and I’m out of time.  I’ve even cancelled my lunchtime carnaps so that I can do my journaling homework for ENG 103.  And of course, to try and blog more often.  So looking at my very current situation, I was getting frustrated in my job and thinking inside the box, the only solution I could see was to get another job.  Ugh.

But with the job boards being all but deserted, or even worse, looking for fools, my situation looked pretty helpless.  But today, I read some stuff and I think I’ve just reached the last straw.  Why am I not living my life to the fullest, why am I allowing myself to be miserable?  I want to work for myself, why aren’t I?

Ok, ok, my plan.  My plan is this:

a) Get through the musical and make sure to ace all of my classes.  School is worth bubkis if you fail out.  Also, make sure to rock the eff out of this playbill job for Drama Society.  It’s another thing for portfolio.

b) Come winterim, make websites.  Make a new wordpress theme for THIS blog, revamp tot, and put stuff up on those other domains I’ve got kicking around.  Call people you spoke to about possibly doing their websites, get more sites designed and up. Learn, learn, learn, learn, learn.

c) When sites are ready, particularly the portfolio site, classes will probably be in session again, DO NOT JOIN MUSICAL, start branching out and looking for more web work.  Ask friends to ask friends if they need anything done.  Get things moving all around.  Learn, learn, learn, learn, learn.

d) Bust ass.  Seriously.  Bust ass and try to get as much work as possible, scan craig’s list and anything else you possibly can to get more stuff going.  Update portfolio, network, work, Learn, learn, learn, learn, learn.

I know, the end steps there aren’t too formulated, but how can they be when I’m not there yet?  I’ve got plans until the end of 08, beginning of 09, and then I’ll have to look at what I’ve got and reformulate what I’m going to do next.  One step at a time.

I read an article today that said that a six-figure income breaks down to earning $50/hr.  Sounds like a lot, but, $50/hr is $2000/wk.  Break that up into projects, rather than hours, and I think it’s possible.  And while I don’t NEED a six figure income, just about double what I’m making (now you know it’s less than $50k a year, yeah, I don’t make much), and that’s way  more than possible if I really work at it.  So.  Step 1, make it through this semester.  Step 2, build sites during winterim.  Learn.  Call.  I can do these things, just have to take them steps at a time, and remember that I’m working towards a goal here.  An attainable goal, not something outlandish, not something that is unrealistic.  I can do this.

I’ve been drinking coffee this week also, and I believe that it affects my sleep patterns. . .whenever I drink it, my sleep that night is not restful.  Today I had tea, I’m hoping that I get good sleep.

Tomorrow I have musical rehearsal after work.  I really can’t wait for it to be over.  That sounds so weird coming from me, I looked forward to it so much, but it’s just too much for me to do right now.

Work has been very stressful, I feel like every other minute I’m snapping at someone.  There is so much stupidity and wastefulness going on there, it’s very hard not to get frustrated.  Very hard.

I haven’t had any time to knit, or even properly set up this macbook (I finally got it!!), every time I sit down with it I can’t remember what it was I wanted to do.  Forgetfulness.  Ugh.

I guess I’ll conk out now.  Just felt like writing.  :]

I’ve wanted a laptop since I first saw one, and now I finally have one.  This thing is awesome.  I’m imagining all of the silly things I can do with it.  :]  I might even blog more often having a full sized keyboard to rant on.

I overslept today.  It felt nice while I was sleeping but as soon as I woke up it was all pain and headache.  We got to play with Rob’s parents new puppy today.  She was cute and all, but I was far more impressed with the baby squirrel Rob’s mom is taking care of.  She might end up keeping her, which would be awesome.  The squirrel was mad friendly and curious.  Not too coordinated yet though, it was cute.  :]

Don’t really want to go back to work tomorrow, but lately it always seems like the weekend is far too short.  I guess it’s because I have rehearsal on Saturdays, I don’t really get a day to just stay home and veg out.

I’ve come to the realization that the reason my knitting has stagnated is because of this whole “Year of the Stash” thing I’m doing.  With no new yarn, nothing’s really pushing me to get my current projects done.  Even before I started school and everything.

Oh! I designed something!!  For the musical, they’re having a contest for cover art for the playbill and t-shirts and stuff, but no one submitted anything.  I wanted to give it a go, but I was kind of worried that I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything.  I tried anyway yesterday after I did my homework and this is what I came up with.

It’s pretty dark, darker and kind of more dramatic looking than the usual artwork for the musical, and actually, it looks very serious.  The play itself is pretty comical, sort of romantic.  But there’s a purpose behind the design, if you know the show at all, it involves an emerald and something called a “Green-glass” love, so it makes sense.  We’ll see if they actually use it.

I started reading Atlas Shrugged again, and I’m actually really getting into it.  Reading it whenever I get a spare chance.  The story’s picking up and things are good!!  Once I finish this book, I have two others and then I want to get the Brisingr book that’s the third of the Inheretance Trilogy.  I’ll probably just get the box set, because I don’t remember everything that happened in Eragon and Eldest.

That’s all for now!

Now, Adults in Transition is a class meant for people over 40, who are returning to school.  The main theme is that no one really knows how to “handle” any kind of major life change on their own after all the “guidance” we get through adolescence.  The ideas are pretty common sense, to me at least, and the professor has a tendency to . . .hmm.  How shall I put it nicely??  Even though he is teaching tolerance, understanding, communication, and open minded-ness, basically he’s old, and has a preconcieved notion of how young people are, and what young people think.  He made the basic cover-your-ass statements about how there are exceptions to every rule, but basically, he thinks that anyone under 40 has their heads up their asses, and while they think they know everything about the world, they actually don’t even know themselves.

He claims to have lived through this stage himself.  I’m not buying it.  While yes, me saying that I think he’s wrong and thinking I know better fits right into his charming little stereotype, I do agree with some of the things he says.  I just firmly believe that the stages of life’s maturity are not so staticly attached to specific age groups.  He tries to say this also, but always defaults to saying what he truely believes, that young people don’t know anything.  It’s annoying.  I’m keeping my mouth shut for the most part during class, because much of what he’s saying some people have NOT come to conclude or realize on their own, and it’s good knowledge to have.  Just because he’s got this one stereotypical point of view that happens to offend me does not mean I should disrupt the class and impede everyone elses learning.

My English class is going well, though it is A LOT of work since it’s entirely online and has no class hours, there’s no videos to watch, just weekly reading assignments and then writing assignments.  It’s a lot of work.  My Microcomputer Applications class is kind of silly.  I’d take a test to prove I don’t need it, because I already know much of Microsoft Office, but they’re going to go over Access in the end of the class, and I know nothing about it, though I would like to learn.

Programming I’m sure I’ll make it through, but I think I intimidate my professor a little bit, he tends to try and put down my suggestions in class, even if it’s his preferred way of doing things.  So weird.  I’ll make sure to take my next programming class with someone else, hopefully they won’t be a total tool.

Other than class, things have also been busy because I now have rehearsal to go to. . .I got cast as Muzzy in this semester’s production of Thoroughly Modern Millie.  It’s pretty cool, but very tiring.  I’m already looking forward to November, when I can just deal with classes and homework.  I’ve wanted to do a musical for awhile, but I don’t think now was the best time to get involved.  Lol.

That’s about it for now, Turbo’s doing much better, he’s making a full recovery, so thank you if anyone did think good thoughts for him.  :]

Going back to work after a long weekend is always hard.  I find it really tough to concentrate on things at work after being home and relaxed.  I managed through though.  Thursday was my birthday!!  I was pleasantly surprised to find that my coworkers like me a lot more than I had assumed.  There were festivities at work, and Rob came to have lunch with me on my break.  When I got home I found that Rob got me a web server for my birthday!!  He’s going to teach me all about web hosting and running a web server and everything.  It’s awesome.  :]

Today it was just getting everything back to normal.  Rob took Turbo to the vet, his eye is better but he’s still not eating solid foods.  The vet said that his back teeth were growing up into his gums, which caused the eye infection.  They drilled the teeth out, and said that basically this is his last chance.  :[  Hopefully he gets better.

Tomorrow I have orientation for college, and we were going to do the bday bbq but it looks like it’s going to storm.  We’ll probably  just take it easy.  I have some homework to do, and Rob wants to teach me server stuffs.

A week from today will be Rob’s bday and my audition for the musical!!  I’m pretty nervous about it.  I still have to pick a song to sing.

Also while browsing the web, I came across this recipe which includes a “sweet egg onigiri”, which sounded interesting to me.  So I tried that out also.  I can’t tell you how it is until I eat it though.

But oh man.  OH MAN.  I am NEVER buying gomashio furikake ever again.  EVER.  The recipe was simple, and the result is DELICIOUS.  I had some left over rice from dinner and my egg onigiri, so I made some little gomashio rice balls and put them in the freezer.  My first bento lunch stash item!!  I will never throw away seemingly useless amounts of leftover rice again either.

I also packed a full lunch bento with the leftover dinner I didn’t eat.  I’m set for the rest of the week, since Rob’s taking me out to lunch on my bday.

Tomorrow’s my first day of SCHOOL!!!  So nervous, but it shouldn’t be a big deal, because it’s only this one class this week.  It’s not even for a grade, it’s pass/fail.  Right on.  I got everything straight with the school offices (I hope!), and I’m all set to go.  I even bought all of my books already.

ANNNNDDDDD. . .my school is putting on Thorougly Modern Millie.  HOLY CRAP.  I’m going to audition.  I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it because of my schedule, but I emailed them and they said that it shouldn’t be a problem.  My audition day is Rob’s birthday, and he’s going to come be my own personal support group (he’s awesome like that), and then I’m going to cook him dinner.  :]

And just one last little side note here. . . .store bought waxing home kits. . .don’t work so well for me.  :[

About two weeks or so later, he started drooling again.  Rob took him back to the vet, and they filed down his teeth again, but this time it seemed like a more minor treatment, as if the condition wasn’t as bad (they put him under the first time and the second time I don’t believe they did), and he came back home groggy.  We watched him again, but he seemed to not recover as quickly.

Last night Rob went to give him a craisin, and he could hardly eat it.  I don’t even think he ate the whole thing.  He called the vet again to ask what the deal was and if he could bring him in, but they told him that the dr. wasn’t there, and that he could bring him in today.  Rob got off the phone and went to pick turbo up, and that’s when he noticed that his left eye was incredibly swollen, and the lids were stuck shut.  Rob tried to clean them off with some water and a napkin, and lots of puss started oozing out.  Rob called the vet back and they gave us the name of an emergency clinic, but they said that they didn’t think the clinic had anyone who was familiar in the treatment of exotic animals.  So we cleaned out his eye with saline solution, and though yesterday we got his eye open again, as of this morning it was stuck shut again.

We took him to the vet, and now we’re waiting for the dr. to see him.  Last night I did a bunch of research, and I’m so worried, because I’ve read that eye problems can be a common symptom of malocclusion caused by the roots of the teeth growing upward through the sinuses and into the eye socket.  If the dr. didn’t take an x-ray on his first visit, they could have misdiagnosed him, and he might have malocclusion, and he could be in serious pain right now.  We might have to put him down.

Turbo is the first pet I’ve ever had (that was kept for more than a day, and wasn’t a hermit crab.  Those don’t really count.), and I’m worried out of my mind.  He’s only 4 years old, and healthy chinchillas can live up to 20.  I’m not really a religious person, but when I get scared, I still ask for help from anyone willing to offer, so I’m asking anyone who might be reading this, please keep Turbo in your thoughts and give him your best well wishes.

Holy crap, I’m engaged!  Today was our 5 year anniversary, and man did Rob surprise me.  He picked out the perfect ring, cooked me steak dinner, got my favorite kind of wine, got down on one knee, and even hid it inside something sweet.  I was totally shocked (and still kind of am!), and happy.  :]

Secondly, I’m going back to school!!  I didn’t want to write about it until I was fairly certain I’m going, and I’m all registered for my classes and stuff, so that’s that.  I start on my birthday.  There’s been a few complications, including having to go part time instead of full time (unless my letter to the dean actually does anything), because of my bad grades from my first attempt at college.  And since I’ve registered late and all, I’m kind of stressed because I haven’t heard back from the financial aid department yet, so I have no idea how much I’m going to owe them if anything.

But I’m going for a BS in Computer Information Systems.  It’s going to take a while, since I don’t have that many credits from school before, and I’m going after work, not during the day.  I’m super excited and Rob’s being great and supporting me and stuff, and I can’t wait to begin.

I also had a car problem, and some work stress and a trip to Philadelphia, so I’ve been kind of busy, not to mention last weekend Rob started wiring the lower level of the house so that we can begin to finish it.

I did start knitting again, the socks.  I’m finding it so hard to keep an interest in knitting socks on one circular.  The razor cami has come to a halt. . .even after I bought a knit picks circular needle for it, I keep messing up the pattern.  I might pick it up again, sometime.

I also sort of stopped reading Atlas Shrugged again.  Last weekend it was all I wanted to do, but then I got up to one point and it just got repetitive, and I put it down.  Other than all that, I’m glad it’s weekend!!

Today I went to the library on my way home and got some musical cd’s.  I want to try and sing more again.