Jeans and Sneakers

It seems like there’s so much going on, but there really isn’t.  There are some things in the works, but in so far as day to day, hour to hour, things happening, there really isn’t.  Mostly it’s waiting.  And anticipating.  Worrying.

I’ve been to two voice lessons so far, and today is my third.  I think this guy knows what he’s doing for the most part, but he tends to go off track during the lesson, (it’s supposed to last 30 mins, but I’m there for an hour) and get chatty, which is nice sometimes, but at the same time, it’s a weeknight, and part of me just wants to get home.  I paid for 5 lessons in bulk, of which tonights will be #2, but I’m not sure if I’m going to keep going after this.  For multiple reasons, but we’ll see.

I stayed home today,  not feeling well.  They didn’t seem angry about it when I called and emailed in.  Last time I had to call in, I left a voicemail on the executive assistant’s cell phone, I was trying to get her in person, but it didn’t work, I left a voicemail, and she didn’t get it until 3 days later.  So she called me about 30 mins after I would have been there had I not called in, asking if I was coming in.  I didn’t know she didn’t get my voicemail and kind of half explained how tired I was from traveling, it was kind of a mess.  When she got the voicemail though, things straightened out, so that’s ok.  She got my email this morning at least.

I’ve been having strange dreams.  Last night I dreamt that I had gotten pregnant, and that I wasn’t sure if I was going to keep it or not, and everyone in my family was telling me something different, and then there was this art gallery party with really tall gallery walls, and Vinny was there on a cherry picker being loud, and it was just all around a weird scene.  The other night I talked in my sleep and started laughing, and when Rob asked me what I was laughing at I said “pants”.  He said “those must have been some pretty funny pants” and I said “they were, uhhhh. . . . .Gorilla Legs!”

I’ve been thinking about money, and how I could be making more of it at an actual job that had actual job responsibilities that didn’t include watering plants and making tea.  I guess I’m getting pretty frustrated with it.  Sometimes it’s not so bad,  but a lot of the time I’m just sitting there wishing for a real job with job functions so the time wouldn’t crawl.  And then in that bad mood, I get pissed when they ask me to make tea or go out to get the boss breakfast.

I dunno.  The art thing has slowed down, I haven’t been drawing or painting every day, but I think that’s a side effect of feeling this rushed feeling, like I don’t have time to do things I enjoy because I’m too busy worrying.  I dunno, I’m just an idiot.

I’m pretty pissed right now. I was soooooo excited to be able to pay off my debt tomorrow. I’ve been frugal for the past month now, and it was finally going to pay off. Yep, Friday, February 9th was going to be THE DAY THE DEBT WAS GONE. Well guess what? Stupid maths fucked up my plans.

Somehow, I managed to figure out on a calculator, that the money I have in the bank right now plus the money I’ll be getting in my paycheck tomorrow would equal enough to pay my debt, my car insurance renewal, and my cell phone bill, and still have like $200 left over. I did this calculation 3 times with no discrepancies. I was super stoked! I was so excited, I went right ahead and put through that car insurance renewal on my bank card. Guess what maths?!?! YOU WERE WRONG!!! I went to check my bank balance, because some transactions come out right away, and noticed. . .hmm, there was a lot less left over than I’d thought there’d be. . . So I went back, redid the calculations, three times, and yeah. Now I won’t be able to pay off my debt for another TWO WEEKS, because I’ll have JUST ENOUGH to pay off the debt, with none left over for other stuff, like gas to get to and from work until I get paid again, or that dentist’s appt I have next Tuesday. Yay. So yeah maths, you can take a hike, thanks for ruining my plan. :[

In other news, my job is stupid. My boss must really not appreciate how much work I’m doing. He keeps pushing off the work he doesn’t want to do onto me, as if I were sitting around doing nothing. Does he realize I’m his only full time customer service person for a company he’s marketing like mad? Does he realize it’s effing cold outside now and people are mad for heating supplies? Does he realize that all of these people making and changing their orders, whether he sees it or not, directly increases the amount of work I have to do before he decides he doesn’t want to do something and hands it off to me? I think I might have to have a little meeting with him. But most likely, I’ll just chicken out and take the abuse. Why? Because I’ve called in sick a good amount of times, and he’ll probably argue that if I were in the office more often, that I’d be able to get all of my work done. (which btw, is total bullshit. I’ve come in to the office steadily for months without taking a day off, and still had too much to do. the calling in sick is likely a direct effect of being overworked, frustrated, and worried.) And if that weren’t frustrating enough, I’m actually sick right now, have been since last Tuesday, and while last Friday my boss thanked me and thanked me for coming in while being so obviously ill, this week I took two days off because I wasn’t getting any better. When I came back, they wern’t mad, because it was apparrent that I really am sick, but now they’re showing signs of sickness, and I detect a hint of resentment for me getting them sick. Well, you can either be mad that I’m out sick, or you can be mad that I’m working but made you sick, but you can’t ask me to come in when I’m sick, and then be mad if you catch my cold. Bugger off.

/rant

So I’ve finished most of the first sleeve for cambridge. I should be done this weekend. dun dun DUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! We’ll see though, I might be unfathomably lazy.

And now I leave you with a gem from me sleeping:

(apparrently I talk in my sleep. Rob tries to urge it on when it happens, and then emails me the conversations we’ve had in my sleep. Not always coherent, but almost always amusing.)

Me: ‘it doesnt feel like im moving right now but i am’
Rob: “what?”
Me: ‘it doesnt feel like im moving right now but i am’
Rob: “but youre not moving”
Me: ‘but i am’