Jeans and Sneakers

I’ve been pretty busy.  Between work, class, rehearsal and homework, I’ve got enough time to sleep, and shower.  Things are going fairly well I guess.  I’m supposed to have my 6 month review at work soon, and I’m going to try to push for a raise.  It’s so hard for me to ask for things, but I’m really not making much money at this job and it’s really tough to be happy in a place when you know it’s the reason you’re struggling.

I overslept today.  It felt nice while I was sleeping but as soon as I woke up it was all pain and headache.  We got to play with Rob’s parents new puppy today.  She was cute and all, but I was far more impressed with the baby squirrel Rob’s mom is taking care of.  She might end up keeping her, which would be awesome.  The squirrel was mad friendly and curious.  Not too coordinated yet though, it was cute.  :]

Don’t really want to go back to work tomorrow, but lately it always seems like the weekend is far too short.  I guess it’s because I have rehearsal on Saturdays, I don’t really get a day to just stay home and veg out.

I’ve come to the realization that the reason my knitting has stagnated is because of this whole “Year of the Stash” thing I’m doing.  With no new yarn, nothing’s really pushing me to get my current projects done.  Even before I started school and everything.

Oh! I designed something!!  For the musical, they’re having a contest for cover art for the playbill and t-shirts and stuff, but no one submitted anything.  I wanted to give it a go, but I was kind of worried that I wouldn’t be able to come up with anything.  I tried anyway yesterday after I did my homework and this is what I came up with.

It’s pretty dark, darker and kind of more dramatic looking than the usual artwork for the musical, and actually, it looks very serious.  The play itself is pretty comical, sort of romantic.  But there’s a purpose behind the design, if you know the show at all, it involves an emerald and something called a “Green-glass” love, so it makes sense.  We’ll see if they actually use it.

I started reading Atlas Shrugged again, and I’m actually really getting into it.  Reading it whenever I get a spare chance.  The story’s picking up and things are good!!  Once I finish this book, I have two others and then I want to get the Brisingr book that’s the third of the Inheretance Trilogy.  I’ll probably just get the box set, because I don’t remember everything that happened in Eragon and Eldest.

That’s all for now!

I’m surprised I didn’t write about school yet.  School has been an interesting experience so far.  My classes are sort of varied, I’m taking Intro to Microcomputer Applications, Intro to Computer Programming (with Visual Basic.Net), Writing for Effective Communication (online class), and something called Adults in Transition.

Now, Adults in Transition is a class meant for people over 40, who are returning to school.  The main theme is that no one really knows how to “handle” any kind of major life change on their own after all the “guidance” we get through adolescence.  The ideas are pretty common sense, to me at least, and the professor has a tendency to . . .hmm.  How shall I put it nicely??  Even though he is teaching tolerance, understanding, communication, and open minded-ness, basically he’s old, and has a preconcieved notion of how young people are, and what young people think.  He made the basic cover-your-ass statements about how there are exceptions to every rule, but basically, he thinks that anyone under 40 has their heads up their asses, and while they think they know everything about the world, they actually don’t even know themselves.

He claims to have lived through this stage himself.  I’m not buying it.  While yes, me saying that I think he’s wrong and thinking I know better fits right into his charming little stereotype, I do agree with some of the things he says.  I just firmly believe that the stages of life’s maturity are not so staticly attached to specific age groups.  He tries to say this also, but always defaults to saying what he truely believes, that young people don’t know anything.  It’s annoying.  I’m keeping my mouth shut for the most part during class, because much of what he’s saying some people have NOT come to conclude or realize on their own, and it’s good knowledge to have.  Just because he’s got this one stereotypical point of view that happens to offend me does not mean I should disrupt the class and impede everyone elses learning.

My English class is going well, though it is A LOT of work since it’s entirely online and has no class hours, there’s no videos to watch, just weekly reading assignments and then writing assignments.  It’s a lot of work.  My Microcomputer Applications class is kind of silly.  I’d take a test to prove I don’t need it, because I already know much of Microsoft Office, but they’re going to go over Access in the end of the class, and I know nothing about it, though I would like to learn.

Programming I’m sure I’ll make it through, but I think I intimidate my professor a little bit, he tends to try and put down my suggestions in class, even if it’s his preferred way of doing things.  So weird.  I’ll make sure to take my next programming class with someone else, hopefully they won’t be a total tool.

Other than class, things have also been busy because I now have rehearsal to go to. . .I got cast as Muzzy in this semester’s production of Thoroughly Modern Millie.  It’s pretty cool, but very tiring.  I’m already looking forward to November, when I can just deal with classes and homework.  I’ve wanted to do a musical for awhile, but I don’t think now was the best time to get involved.  Lol.

That’s about it for now, Turbo’s doing much better, he’s making a full recovery, so thank you if anyone did think good thoughts for him.  :]

Monday was Labor Day, and so we had off work.  I spent the day relaxing and playing video games with Rob, trying to not dwell on being nervous about starting school.  All in all it was a really good weekend.

Going back to work after a long weekend is always hard.  I find it really tough to concentrate on things at work after being home and relaxed.  I managed through though.  Thursday was my birthday!!  I was pleasantly surprised to find that my coworkers like me a lot more than I had assumed.  There were festivities at work, and Rob came to have lunch with me on my break.  When I got home I found that Rob got me a web server for my birthday!!  He’s going to teach me all about web hosting and running a web server and everything.  It’s awesome.  :]

Today it was just getting everything back to normal.  Rob took Turbo to the vet, his eye is better but he’s still not eating solid foods.  The vet said that his back teeth were growing up into his gums, which caused the eye infection.  They drilled the teeth out, and said that basically this is his last chance.  :[  Hopefully he gets better.

Tomorrow I have orientation for college, and we were going to do the bday bbq but it looks like it’s going to storm.  We’ll probably  just take it easy.  I have some homework to do, and Rob wants to teach me server stuffs.

A week from today will be Rob’s bday and my audition for the musical!!  I’m pretty nervous about it.  I still have to pick a song to sing.

Holy crap.  Today while browsing the web, I came across Just Bento’s Homemade furikake recipe, and I thought, “hmm, I could probably make that.”  Gomashio, or sesame salt furikake is one of my favorite kinds of rice seasoning, and the last time I bought a container of it (around $3 and change) it was gone in a few days.  But I remembered that I had some sesame seeds from the baking section of my supermarket (a much bigger container, for a lot cheaper), that I had planned on using for some kind of bread tastiness.  Rock.  I came home and decided to play in the kitchen.

Also while browsing the web, I came across this recipe which includes a “sweet egg onigiri”, which sounded interesting to me.  So I tried that out also.  I can’t tell you how it is until I eat it though.

But oh man.  OH MAN.  I am NEVER buying gomashio furikake ever again.  EVER.  The recipe was simple, and the result is DELICIOUS.  I had some left over rice from dinner and my egg onigiri, so I made some little gomashio rice balls and put them in the freezer.  My first bento lunch stash item!!  I will never throw away seemingly useless amounts of leftover rice again either.

I also packed a full lunch bento with the leftover dinner I didn’t eat.  I’m set for the rest of the week, since Rob’s taking me out to lunch on my bday.

Tomorrow’s my first day of SCHOOL!!!  So nervous, but it shouldn’t be a big deal, because it’s only this one class this week.  It’s not even for a grade, it’s pass/fail.  Right on.  I got everything straight with the school offices (I hope!), and I’m all set to go.  I even bought all of my books already.

ANNNNDDDDD. . .my school is putting on Thorougly Modern Millie.  HOLY CRAP.  I’m going to audition.  I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to do it because of my schedule, but I emailed them and they said that it shouldn’t be a problem.  My audition day is Rob’s birthday, and he’s going to come be my own personal support group (he’s awesome like that), and then I’m going to cook him dinner.  :]

And just one last little side note here. . . .store bought waxing home kits. . .don’t work so well for me.  :[

I don’t think I really ever post about my chinchilla on here anymore.  I’m doing so today because I’m worried.  A few months ago Turbo was having trouble eating.  We’d give him a craisin, and it looked like he would wince in pain and drop the food.  Then he started drooling.  That’s a bad sign in rodents, as it is one of the main symptoms of malocclusion, a condition in which rodent’s teeth grow continuously faster than usual (all rodent’s teeth continuously grow, but it’s usually not an issue because they eat and chew on things often enough to keep them down to a normal size.  Malocclusion is when the teeth grow too fast or from the root up into the skull, which can’t really be treated).  Rob took him to the vet, and they looked him over, said he had some spurs growing off the sides of his teeth that were causing sores in his mouth, but that they filed the spurs down and he didn’t have malocclusion.  We took him home, watched him carefully, and after about 3-4 weeks he seemed back to the normal, happy, healthy chinchilla we love.

About two weeks or so later, he started drooling again.  Rob took him back to the vet, and they filed down his teeth again, but this time it seemed like a more minor treatment, as if the condition wasn’t as bad (they put him under the first time and the second time I don’t believe they did), and he came back home groggy.  We watched him again, but he seemed to not recover as quickly.

Last night Rob went to give him a craisin, and he could hardly eat it.  I don’t even think he ate the whole thing.  He called the vet again to ask what the deal was and if he could bring him in, but they told him that the dr. wasn’t there, and that he could bring him in today.  Rob got off the phone and went to pick turbo up, and that’s when he noticed that his left eye was incredibly swollen, and the lids were stuck shut.  Rob tried to clean them off with some water and a napkin, and lots of puss started oozing out.  Rob called the vet back and they gave us the name of an emergency clinic, but they said that they didn’t think the clinic had anyone who was familiar in the treatment of exotic animals.  So we cleaned out his eye with saline solution, and though yesterday we got his eye open again, as of this morning it was stuck shut again.

We took him to the vet, and now we’re waiting for the dr. to see him.  Last night I did a bunch of research, and I’m so worried, because I’ve read that eye problems can be a common symptom of malocclusion caused by the roots of the teeth growing upward through the sinuses and into the eye socket.  If the dr. didn’t take an x-ray on his first visit, they could have misdiagnosed him, and he might have malocclusion, and he could be in serious pain right now.  We might have to put him down.

Turbo is the first pet I’ve ever had (that was kept for more than a day, and wasn’t a hermit crab.  Those don’t really count.), and I’m worried out of my mind.  He’s only 4 years old, and healthy chinchillas can live up to 20.  I’m not really a religious person, but when I get scared, I still ask for help from anyone willing to offer, so I’m asking anyone who might be reading this, please keep Turbo in your thoughts and give him your best well wishes.

I know, I know, I haven’t blogged in a mad long time.  There’s a partial reason for it.  I have some pretty big news.

Holy crap, I’m engaged!  Today was our 5 year anniversary, and man did Rob surprise me.  He picked out the perfect ring, cooked me steak dinner, got my favorite kind of wine, got down on one knee, and even hid it inside something sweet.  I was totally shocked (and still kind of am!), and happy.  :]

Secondly, I’m going back to school!!  I didn’t want to write about it until I was fairly certain I’m going, and I’m all registered for my classes and stuff, so that’s that.  I start on my birthday.  There’s been a few complications, including having to go part time instead of full time (unless my letter to the dean actually does anything), because of my bad grades from my first attempt at college.  And since I’ve registered late and all, I’m kind of stressed because I haven’t heard back from the financial aid department yet, so I have no idea how much I’m going to owe them if anything.

But I’m going for a BS in Computer Information Systems.  It’s going to take a while, since I don’t have that many credits from school before, and I’m going after work, not during the day.  I’m super excited and Rob’s being great and supporting me and stuff, and I can’t wait to begin.

I also had a car problem, and some work stress and a trip to Philadelphia, so I’ve been kind of busy, not to mention last weekend Rob started wiring the lower level of the house so that we can begin to finish it.

I did start knitting again, the socks.  I’m finding it so hard to keep an interest in knitting socks on one circular.  The razor cami has come to a halt. . .even after I bought a knit picks circular needle for it, I keep messing up the pattern.  I might pick it up again, sometime.

I also sort of stopped reading Atlas Shrugged again.  Last weekend it was all I wanted to do, but then I got up to one point and it just got repetitive, and I put it down.  Other than all that, I’m glad it’s weekend!!

Not much has been going on.  We got the lawn done.  We’re literally watching the grass grow.  Knitting has pretty much been on hold, though I did buy a one-piece circular needle so that I can continue messing up the Razor cami.  Lace has a way of boring me to pieces.  Enough so that I pay attention to something else and then make mistakes.

Today I went to the library on my way home and got some musical cd’s.  I want to try and sing more again.

I’m feeling rushed.  Stressed and busy and stuck.  I want to learn stuff and things, but when I get home after work I’m all tired and stressed and I want to try and recouperate so that I can fall asleep at night.  Excuses, excuses right?  I’m a little bit emo today, a little bit hormonal.  :[

I am learning things.   I suppose I’m not satisfied with the speed with which I’m learning, which is just stupid, you can’t really rush learning, and even if you could, why would you unless it was absolutely necessary?  I guess I’m just past the point where I feel it’s ok to settle for now so that I can get something later.  That was fine a few years ago, but now years have passed, and I’ve gotten nowhere, and I want change.  Immediate change.  It’s not going to happen, especially not without any real effort on my part, I can’t keep expecting things to happen and telling myself not to worry about things when I’m doing nothing to change the way things are now, nothing to move forward, nothing to improve and excel.

It’s hard to push yourself when you’re unsure, and full of self doubt and years of I can’t, and you can’t, and blah, blah.  It’s hard.  No one said it would be easy, but god damnit it’s HARD!!  I feel like I need structure, something to help me push myself and so today I considered school again, only to be debated on it by at least one person whose opinions and thoughts I trust.  Debated and defeated.  Don’t waste money on shit you don’t really want.  Don’t waste time and effort on shit you don’t really want.  Don’t waste any more of yourself because you’ve only got what you’ve got left and there’s no sense in waste.

Rush and rush and rush and damnit, wrong direction again.  Start over.  At least I went right with one thing, one thing, one person, one situation, one circumstance that I trusted and so far it panned out alright.  For a long time.  Maybe I can do it again.

I had my 90 day review today.  It went pretty well, actually.  Well, they’re happy with me at least, with the work I’ve been doing for them and the efficiency of which I’ve done it.  But they want me to do something I’m not sure I’m capable of.  It’s a marketing position, and they want me to be basically the new creative mind behind marketing.  I don’t know if I can do that, because I don’t particularly care for the product.  I don’t mean that I dislike it, I just mean that I have no interest in it.  Makes me kind of nervous.

It makes me more than just nervous.  Thinking about years of them expecting me to be the brain behind new campaigns and stuff. . .I don’t know.  I pretty much don’t want to.  After the review I started thinking about my situation and how I always manage to do this to myself.  Well, it really comes down to the fact that I don’t know what I DO want to do.

I thought about it, getting more anxious and more stressed with every passing minute.  How do I prevent career catastrophe without having a plan?  I started grasping at straws, trying to think of a quick, plausible sounding solution to getting out of a situation, to getting out of this job.  I have a bad habit of doing that.  It’s as if there’s a limit to how much dislike I can have for a job, and before the limit is reached, I’ll be fine, practically happy with it.  Nearing the limit, I’ll start calling in sick, slacking worse than usual, but still telling myself that I’m happy, that it’s a GOOD JOB and that I’m lucky to have it.  And then the limit is reached, and it’s like a bomb goes off in my head, and I can see the train wreck coming but feel helpless to prevent the inevitable disaster.  Dramatic, right?

I went to lunch thinking maybe I could quit and get financial aid and go back to school full time.  Maybe I could go for psychology since many of the people I talk to on a daily basis come to me for advice.  It’s something I’m naturally good at and that would make a great career, right?  Shrinks make lots of money, right?

Ugh.  I know myself a little too well and have played this game a little too often to let that argument work.  I could quit my job, and go back to school for psychology, but then how would I pay rent?  How would I get to school, with no gas money?  Oh well I could get a part time job, I told myself, yes, yes, a part time job and I’d work and pay rent and go to school. . .

Do I really want to be that much in debt again?  No.  What if I went to school part time?!  Well then I’d have to either keep this job or find another one, AND find a school that had the degree I wanted out here in the boonies that offered night classes, or online coursework. . .sounds like a big hassle for something I know I only want to do because I’m freaking out about not wanting to work here.  And besides, is this job really that bad?  Casual dress, hour lunch break, relatively close to home, the job has a lot of perks that ALL of my previous jobs did not have.  And it’ll look good on a resume, regardless.  I still don’t want it, but I told them I was looking for something for 2-5 years while I learned what I needed to start a business.  Couldn’t that still work?

Maybe.  But I know how I am when I’m at home, I want to do nothing, sit around and play games or watch movies but basically do nothing, and there’s no guarantee that I’ll be able to get and retain customers, and working for yourself is unstable income. . .

I came up with an idea.  A more stable idea.  And it feels right.  It feels different from my usual quick fix job switch.  It involves a plan, and at least years of dedication to the plan and learning, and really trying.  God, I know I’ve said shit like this so many times, that I have an idea and I really think it’ll work this time.  Hopefully this time I’m right.  Stick to the plan.

Totally unrelated– my knitting has come to an almost halt.  The Razor Cami is obnoxious, I freaking HATE denise needles, my cables are separating from the black plastic connector tips. . .such cheap garbage.  I want to buy some knit picks options needles, but I don’t have the money yet, so the project is snoozing.  I should pick up the socks again though, no reason not to finish those.  Maybe later.

Tonight we went to go see the new hulk movie.  I was kind of looking forward to a new Ed Norton flick, he’s a pretty good actor.  We left the house kind of late, so we missed the previews, but made it into some good seats just in time for the beginning of the flick.  Nice.

All was going pretty good, until about 5 minutes into the thing, when some guy and his 4 or 5 year old kid came in and sat right behind us.  I remember when my brothers were little, I remember what it was like watching a movie with a small child.  Why would you wish that on an entire theater of people?  The kid could not follow what was going on.  He had like no memory retention.  I’m suprised he knew who his father was, because every time the scene changed, he’d ask “Who’s that?  What happened?”

To add insult to injury, rather than telling his kid that they’re in public and to please be quiet and stop asking questions, the dad would give the kid lengthy explanations of what was going on, who that guy was, and why he was doing what he did.  Seriously, WTF.  Isn’t it bad enough that your kid is loud, and asking what happened every 5 minutes?  You have to explain to him that the two main characters were about to get it on, but didn’t, because hulk couldn’t get too excited without turning green?  And then answer your cell phone. . .TWICE?!  Your kid asked you IF YOU COULD GO HOME YET.  HE WAS OBVIOUSLY BORED.  Do not bring small children to the movies because you want to see it and can’t find a babysitter.  Jesus.

Anyway, other than that fun experience, the weekend was pretty  mellow.  Mostly gaming and visiting parents for father’s day.  Work is work, and things are moving along.  I don’t really have anything else to write about, and I’ve got an 11pm bedtime, so I’m gonna get going.