Jeans and Sneakers

See, every time I’m stuck in a job that I don’t like, I agonize about how great things would be if I just quit and started a business.

Wtf is wrong with me.  I know, from past and PRESENT experience, that when I don’t have a job, don’t have a reason to wake up early in the morning, I won’t.  That if I don’t have any income, it makes it hard to buy stuff to make things with.

I wake up around noon already.  It didn’t take long to eff up my sleep schedule.  When I do wake up, I’m immediately hungry.  So I eat something.  Then what do I do?  I have nfc.  Nothing.  I sit at my computer.  I look on the internets at stuff that is amusing.   And the next thing I know it’s like 2:30-3pm and Rob’s up and at his computer checking his internets.  And working.  Then there’s about another hour or two of internet. . .and then he gets hungry.  So we get something to eat.  And then we come home, I’ll watch a movie, or get sucked back into the internet (HOW!?!?!  I run out of internets after like 5 web sites.  Wtf am I doing?  Going back and forth hoping there’s something new to look at?!), and then the next thing I know, it’s like 12-2 am, and I’m tired, or really effing bored, and I shower and go back to sleep.

I feel like a lump.  A couple of times today I tried to force my creative side out.  I set up my little easel I bought a few months back, and laid out all the little acrylic painting accessories.  Then I stared at the canvas board for about 3 minutes, and left the room to find something more interesting to look at.  :[  I did manage to get some of the lace conquered.  Hopefully tomorrow I can finish this sweater and maybe even wear it!  But still. . .my days are almost totally a waste.

Well, that’s not totally fair.  We’ve been more busy in the past week and a little bit than we usually are.  We got my car running well, I changed my oil, replaced some idler arm bushings, and Rob fiddled with the accelerator pump.  So it’s running nice now, though I might have some trailing ignition issues, we’ll see.  Rob’s friend’s been coming over for help with his car so we’ve been making frequent trips to pepboys and home depot.  I managed to wash some dishes today, before AND AFTER cooking something.  And I cleaned the stove.

Anyway, I feel really useless.  Pointless existance and all of that.  And I’ve been trying to think what I could do with my time that is both fun and productive, and I’ve got nothing.  I look around on etsy.com and I get so excited, seeing all these cute and crafty things, and I WANT to do something, but I don’t know what, and I’ll go in my room, my little craft center that I’ve tried to fill with crafty supplies so when I get bored I’ll be productive. . . and I just feel suffocated.  Like the room holds expectations of greatness that I can never fill.  WTF.  I must be on crack or something.  It’s my own room and I’m not even comfortable sitting in it.

In other news, I heard back from one of the places that I sent my resume to, that I had previously thought just didn’t get back to me because they weren’t interested.  We’ll see if the guy emails me back tomorrow.  It was weird, because he asked me when I could start, and I haven’t even met them yet.  I checked out their website though, seems . . .interesting.

I’m not going to lie.  I don’t want another job again, in the definition of all the other “jobs” I’ve had in the past.   But I need money, or I’m going to shortly, and I do not seem to have the friggin ability to get off of my ass on my own and figure out how to do something that generates income that won’t make me hate it.  Lame.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 21st, 2007 at 10:32 pm and is filed under Happenings, Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.