Jeans and Sneakers

I’ve been averaging about 1 resume sent out a day.  I could be less selective, less picky, but I’m not quite so desperate yet.

The day flies by when you’re not loathing every second of it.

I know I’ve written in here about some conversations I have with my mom sometimes.  Mostly I write about them when she pisses me off and we end up hanging up on a bad note.  I hung up on her today and she emailed me saying that she doesn’t appreciate being hung up on, and that if I didn’t want to speak to her, that I should do her the kindness of letting her know.

I’m pretty sure what I wrote back is going to cause some drama.  It was 100% truth though, and that’s what kind of sucks about it.  I don’t know how she’s going to take it, and we’ll probably not talk for awhile.  I wish some people would just open their eyes and see what they are doing, then they wouldn’t get mad at me for telling them what they should have seen all along if they weren’t lying to themselves.  :[

I know I sound pretty righteous, and I’m not trying to come off like that,  I just know from experience that in situations like this, I’m usually right, and then people who came to me for advice, and then went against what I told them, came back later regretting, and telling me that they should’ve listened to me.  How many times do you have to have that happen to you before you can just be like. . .well you should start listening to me then.

*sigh*

I’m going to go try to scare myself now.

See, every time I’m stuck in a job that I don’t like, I agonize about how great things would be if I just quit and started a business.

Wtf is wrong with me.  I know, from past and PRESENT experience, that when I don’t have a job, don’t have a reason to wake up early in the morning, I won’t.  That if I don’t have any income, it makes it hard to buy stuff to make things with.

I wake up around noon already.  It didn’t take long to eff up my sleep schedule.  When I do wake up, I’m immediately hungry.  So I eat something.  Then what do I do?  I have nfc.  Nothing.  I sit at my computer.  I look on the internets at stuff that is amusing.   And the next thing I know it’s like 2:30-3pm and Rob’s up and at his computer checking his internets.  And working.  Then there’s about another hour or two of internet. . .and then he gets hungry.  So we get something to eat.  And then we come home, I’ll watch a movie, or get sucked back into the internet (HOW!?!?!  I run out of internets after like 5 web sites.  Wtf am I doing?  Going back and forth hoping there’s something new to look at?!), and then the next thing I know, it’s like 12-2 am, and I’m tired, or really effing bored, and I shower and go back to sleep.

I feel like a lump.  A couple of times today I tried to force my creative side out.  I set up my little easel I bought a few months back, and laid out all the little acrylic painting accessories.  Then I stared at the canvas board for about 3 minutes, and left the room to find something more interesting to look at.  :[  I did manage to get some of the lace conquered.  Hopefully tomorrow I can finish this sweater and maybe even wear it!  But still. . .my days are almost totally a waste.

Well, that’s not totally fair.  We’ve been more busy in the past week and a little bit than we usually are.  We got my car running well, I changed my oil, replaced some idler arm bushings, and Rob fiddled with the accelerator pump.  So it’s running nice now, though I might have some trailing ignition issues, we’ll see.  Rob’s friend’s been coming over for help with his car so we’ve been making frequent trips to pepboys and home depot.  I managed to wash some dishes today, before AND AFTER cooking something.  And I cleaned the stove.

Anyway, I feel really useless.  Pointless existance and all of that.  And I’ve been trying to think what I could do with my time that is both fun and productive, and I’ve got nothing.  I look around on etsy.com and I get so excited, seeing all these cute and crafty things, and I WANT to do something, but I don’t know what, and I’ll go in my room, my little craft center that I’ve tried to fill with crafty supplies so when I get bored I’ll be productive. . . and I just feel suffocated.  Like the room holds expectations of greatness that I can never fill.  WTF.  I must be on crack or something.  It’s my own room and I’m not even comfortable sitting in it.

In other news, I heard back from one of the places that I sent my resume to, that I had previously thought just didn’t get back to me because they weren’t interested.  We’ll see if the guy emails me back tomorrow.  It was weird, because he asked me when I could start, and I haven’t even met them yet.  I checked out their website though, seems . . .interesting.

I’m not going to lie.  I don’t want another job again, in the definition of all the other “jobs” I’ve had in the past.   But I need money, or I’m going to shortly, and I do not seem to have the friggin ability to get off of my ass on my own and figure out how to do something that generates income that won’t make me hate it.  Lame.

I woke up about 40 minutes ago. It’s 12:20 pm. I have nothing that NEEDS to be done today. The doll is finished and delivered to it’s owner, my mom’s socks have been done for a week, and over the weekend, I inadvertently cleaned up most of the kitchen mess.

What’s in store for the rest of the day?  I dunno.  There’s definitely food in the near future, I’ve already scanned this morning’s job postings on Craig’s List, and I’ll probably end up playing some more Oblivion later.  I’ve been playing for the past two nights and the expansion has my interest again.

I might also give the lace on Honorine another go.  I tried again two days ago, but I was watching something that was distracting me, and I kept messing it up.  I want to wear the shirt already!

So I’ve been taking this spinning wheel class, right?  I figured, well I bought this expensive ass spinning wheel, I might as well learn to use it.   Fine.  Great.

My spinning wheel teacher is an impatient snot.  I’ve come to hate her.  I have two classes left, and I’m seriously considering not even going to them.

What makes her so bad?  Well, I thought the premise of teaching, was to impart knowledge, or skills, or both, upon someone who previously did not have said knowledge  or skills.  This being said, if someone continuously tells you that what you are doing is wrong, her voice getting a little more annoyed every time, and all without telling you or showing you the correct way to do whatever it is you are doing, I do not consider that teaching.  Not even tutoring.  I call it bullying.

And if the student, frustrated from being told only what she is doing wrong and not being shown the correct way, was to get angry and speak a little bit louder telling said teacher that she doesn’t know what is the correct way to do it, the teacher should not sputter about how the student said she wanted to give it a try hands on, and thus, the teacher can not show the student the correct way to do it.

Basically, she spoke to me like a child throwing a tantrum after I got mad at her repeatedly telling me all of the things I was doing wrong, and not showing or telling me how to correct the problem.  How the EFF is that a class?  >:[

She ruined the rest of my day.  I drove all the way out there in my new car, manual transmission ALL BY MYSELF for the first time, with no major issues, and she pissed me off so badly that driving home I made more mistakes than I did the first time I ever got into the car.  What’s worse, I tried to lighten up and go driving with Rob, but I was still making mistakes everywhere and now he thinks (though through no fault of mine) that one of the struts needs a new bearing or something. . .blah, blah, more money to spend to keep the car running.  Yay.

I sent my resume to an ad yesterday, for a graphic design position that sounded interesting.  The ad had some serious humor in it, so I replied in kind with links to my websites (not this one though, shame, cause the design is mine, but I don’t want any future employer having the url of my personal blog. . .) and my attached resume.  They emailed me back today with a homework assignment, to touch up and composite some pictures, and spend no more than 30 mins doing it.  I did it, but I think I did poorly, I haven’t heard back from them today, but we’ll see come Monday or Tuesday if they get back to me.

The other place was a glass blowing studio that said they needed a shop assistant, with no experience necessary, so we’ll see on that one too.

I’ve been working on this doll for the screen printing girl, it’s due on Sunday, and I’m having a rough time of it.  I really have to push myself to work on it, and I’m finding that I’m not even enjoying the process that much.  :/  I hope it passes, it wouldn’t do to try and build a business on something I don’t like doing.  That’s kind of what’s spurring my job applications.

I really want to just have some time with no deadlines for anything.  So I can just relax for a little while.  I want to finish my Honorine sweater, but I haven’t found the time.  Maybe I’ll try out some of the lace again now. . .

I’ve finally gone and done it.  Yesterday I told my boss that I was done working for him.  He tried to get me to come in today, but I knew that if I did, he’d just keep trying to get me to keep coming in.  I put my foot down, and I’m loving it.

This morning I woke up at 9am, took a shower, and cooked myself breakfast.  I emailed back and forth with my mom about her giving out my business cards, and generally bummed about on the internet.  Eventually, I’ll start the doll whose deadline is Sunday, but for right now, I’m enjoying my house.

I’m in the kitchen right now, the windows are open, the sun is pouring in, the breeze is blowing through, and I can hear the birds chirping.  It sounds like a corny setting, but it’s really great.  There’s no phones ringing, no customers yelling about where their plumbing supplies are, no coworkers ignoring my questions of where the customer’s plumbing supplies are, and there’s food EVERYWHERE.  I might go for a bike ride later.  I might not.

The used carb came in the mail yesterday, and Rob went right to work switching what needed switching.  We started bolting it up last night, until the sun went down and all the mosquitoes came out.  We’ll likely finish it today, and then hopefully my car will be driving around.  :]

My business cards also came in the mail, hence me giving some to my mom.  They’re totally awesome, and I fully intend to buy more.

Ahh.  Monday, the last week of work.  But wait, let me get to that.

First I want to say that screen printing is a lot of work!  We did somewhere around 3000 shirts between Saturday and Sunday, Saturday having 3 people and Sunday only being two.  It was good hard work though, the kind you can get into and then let your mind wander without effing anything up.  I don’t think it’s something I could do all the time though, at least not in a commercial setup like that.

Ok.  Back to today.  So yes, after working through the weekend, today is Monday, and waking up early felt like a slap in the face, since I haven’t had the weekend time I usually do to recover.  Sleep in, etc.  But I managed, getting out of bed by telling myself, “It’s ok, it’s your last week.  Just hang in there until Friday and you’re golden.”

And off to work I go, with a semi-smile on my face.  Problems don’t seem as bad, because I know that after Friday, they’ll be someone else’s problems.  Until around 2:30pm, that is.  When my boss asked to talk to me in the back conference room.  Until he said that he thought he was ok with letting me go, but in fact, he’s not.  That in fact, he’s willing to give me a raise, and less work to make me stay.  He’ll be gone for the rest of the week, and he wants me to come in on Monday to tell him my decision.  Fantastic.  Another friggin week to stress out and bounce back and forth in my head about how I don’t want to stay but I *Should* stay.  :[

I have no idea what I’m going to do.  I thought this was already settled.  I really want to just not have to go back to the customers, and the return policies I disagree with and the plumbing and the boring and the no music during the day and the no lunch break.  But then again, I have this car and I want to do stuff to it, and that’s going to require money, and I need to get the bridge for my tooth, and blah and blah and blah.

…..

Fuck.