Jeans and Sneakers

Another week gone, another weekend to spend thinking about how my job really isn’t *that* bad.

I’ll not drivel on about it.

My mom calls me every Friday, we wish eachother happy Friday, and exchange news from the week.  Today I was whining, again, about my job and my situation with it, and I told her about how weird it is that I’m so hesitant to leave it.  As much as I complain, I’m still working there.  She said something like, ‘it’s not strange, it’s maturity’.  And to some degree I expected something like that from her, but I disagreed, telling her that with many of my past jobs that I’ve ultimately quit in various ways, the last one at least and some ones before that, I quit with every degree of maturity that could be expected from anyone in the same situation.  My last job jerked me around for a year and a half, literally lying to me on a weekly basis on what hours I was going to work, and what my job duties would be.  And when I went to the higher ups to tell them what was going on to try and get it resolved, or to leave, they said things to appease me, and things went on as they had been.  So I gave my final notice and I left.  I started to tell my mom as much, and she cut me off saying, “well I don’t want to argue.”

The last couple of Fridays, our calls have ended in arguments, where she’ll just be like “well I’m getting upset, so I’m just going to hang up now.  Goodbye.”

So, who’s being immature?  Who can’t hold a conversation when they disagree with someone’s views so that they have to abruptly end the conversation and then later pretend like it never happened?

I wasn’t arguing with her, I was just telling her that I disagreed, and tried to explain why.  Apparrently she didn’t want to hear it.  That really bothered me, to the point where we’re supposed to hang out on Sunday, and now I’m thinking I might not want to go.  What’s the use of spending time with someone if you don’t really want to hear anything they have to say that you disagree with?  People are different.

Well, it bothered me.  Especially since today, we had an opportunity to have a completely normal conversation, and she seemed to be looking for an argument so that she could end the conversation.  Idkwtf is going on there, but I’m seriously tempted to let her next call go through to voicemail.

Other than that, I’m waiting to get better needles for the lace panels of Honorine so that I can finish her.  (Remember what happened with Birch??  Apparrently, I need specific needles to be able to knit lace.  :[  )

Tomorrow is the season’s first bbq here at the house, and I’m halfway planning on getting at least a little bit drunk.  I probably won’t get too bad though, since it seems that lately any time I do, I don’t really enjoy it and I stop drinking.

It’s getting late, and bed is calling.

They’re making a Golden Compass movie, and it comes out in Dec. and it doesn’t look like total crap!

Well, some of the special effects in the preview look kind of 90’s, but I’m still super excited!

I even went over to the website and got myself a dæmon, but the code to paste it into my blog wouldn’t work. . . so. . .:[

Oh well. Check it out at www.goldencompassmovie.com.

And last week was just annoying.

I had another meeting with my boss on Friday, and basically, he’s still not accepting that I don’t want to work for him. Or in any office. He tried to say that he was thinking of me in the long run, that he didn’t want to let me go, and then years down the line when his business is all successful, to have me look back and be like, “*sigh* I could’ve had a great position in that company. . .”

Please. He doesn’t understand that money doesn’t rule me, at least not the way it obviously runs him. I care about how I spend my days. If I didn’t, I woudn’t have a problem with this job.

He basically told me that he wants me to stay, and that he’s willing to work out different scheduling (again), this time mentioning the possibility of leaving early instead of coming in late, or the very slim chance of having a 20 min lunch break in the middle of the day to go home. (which, in 20 mins, I’d have about enough time to come home, unlock the door, look around, lock the door, and drive back to work.) He says he’s willing to work with me to eventually, after we’ve hired more people, get me out of customer service and focused more on design and marketing/advertising.

He apparrently didn’t hear the part when I said that I just don’t want an office job, ultimately.

How can you tell a person “I just don’t want to be doing this with myself” when you say those words, literally, and they just either don’t hear you or choose to ignore what you’re saying?

I still want my car. I only have so much money. The longer I remain at my job, the better my chances of getting my car (and my tooth bridge) (which should be my top priority right now, but isn’t). However, the one thing my boss has made abundantly clear, is that he wants me either for the long haul, or not at all. Though if I leave, there’ll probably be a grace period where he’d have to look for a replacement, and I MAY have to train them. I’m really not sure what’ll happen if I tell him I definitely want to leave, because so far, I’ve been completely unsuccessful at explaining to him that that REALLY IS what I want. Ultimately. Wtf. Over.

In less stressful news, I’m making some progress on Honorine. (And I totally forgot to make a progress meter for her) I’ve got the four panels that make the bulk of the sweater done, and I’ve started on sleeve #1. After this, I’ve got one sleeve, and two Y-shaped lace panels to go. I’ll take pictures when they’re blocking and look all pretty, cause right now they just look like four rolled up pieces of fabric.

Mother’s day is coming up and I’ll have to get back to those socks. And I deposited the check for the woman who bought a doll, as soon as it clears, I’ll be starting production.

But yesterday was ridiculous, so that didn’t happen.   Basically, work was insane, since one kid quit, my boss left for his vacation, and he’d given me a deadline for an image that was to be submitted as an ad for this magazine.  It would have been fine, I originally had it completed with hours to spare, until the magazine’s art department or whatever emailed me back saying that they never gave me the right resolution, and so the image that I created wouldn’t work.  I had to do the whole thing all over, and I had a hell of a time getting all of the resources together in the higher resolution, and all while trying to do my regular every day work.  It was also a particularly busy phone day.  And also, I found out the hard way that the coffee I’d been drinking every morning was decaf. . .by having a cup of regular and twitching until I felt my heart would surely explode.

Then there was the city.  Rob asked me to go to the city with him to help him with some work stuff, and so that we could go get dinner at Gyu-kaku.  But as soon as we left home to get started, things went wrong, wrong parts had been ordered, shipped and signed for parts had gone missing, computers would not connect.  And while we made it to dinner and it was so very tasty,  before I knew it it was 2:20 in the morning and Rob wasn’t anywhere near done yet.  He drove me home, got there by around 4am, so that I could get some sleep for work today.

I woke up with my alarm clock, but decided I was entirely too tired to actually go in yet, so I stayed in bed for an extra 20 minutes and called in that I overslept.  It wasn’t an ACTUAL lie. . .so that’s fine.  I got lots of work done today.

It’s almost 11pm, and Rob’s been in the city since around noon or so.  I’m running on empty, and I think I’m going to go pass out.

When I walked into work this morning, my boss was sitting in the back room all by himself, and my other coworkers were not anywhere near him.  It was the perfect opportunity to ask to talk to him and finally tell him that I don’t want to work there for years.  I couldn’t pass it up.

He took it well.  I found out that the newest employee quit yesterday.  Well, he tried to, but my boss thought he was shady from the start so he just told him to go home and not come back.  That’s kind of why I figure I’m good though.  Cause now my boss knows that I don’t want to stay for years, but I told him that I would stay for a while, long enough to get a replacement, and train them, even if it takes like a year.  I just didn’t want him thinking I was staying for life.

**Lol, I just got a spam email that said “Hand Dirt-encrusted Food Stamp”.  WTF?** 

So I’m good, cause I know that if my boss was going to fire me prematurely, he’d have done it already.  Plus he told me that he does want me to stay for awhile.  So that’s fine, and I still get to get my car.

He seemed confused though, and kept asking me if the reason I wanted to leave was because I wanted to work for myself, like he couldn’t comprehend why I wanted to go.  In the end I told him it was because, though I may be good at it, I really just don’t think I’m cut out for doing office work long term.  I don’t like it, and it stresses me out.

I watched Fried Green Tomatoes today.  Good flick.  :]  And now it’s almost bed time.  Maybe I’ll get a good night’s sleep now that I don’t have to feel guilty.  And plus my boss won’t be in until Tuesday.  YAY!

So I finally got around to doing the dishes.  I think it’s weird, I always think, “yeah, I’ll wash the dishes tomorrow, when I have more free time from work and I’m not all stressed out”.  But the truth of it is, if I don’t wash them right away, chances are I won’t wash them until I have a really super stressful day at work, or I get into a fight with Rob.  Then I take all of my negative energy, and scrub the hell out of those dishes.

Anyway, I got around to doing the dishes, and after they were done, I started making dinner.  Tuna casserole.  And I thought while opening a can of tuna, “wow, this smells like Grandma.”

What?

Come to think of it, my memory seems to be full of old women that smell like tuna fish.  Where did that come from?  Is that a stereotype, or actual, factual memories?  Is it related to the whole old cat lady idea?  I have no idea.  My grandma was awesome, but apparrently, I also remember her smelling like tuna fish sometimes.  And Jergens lotion.  She didn’t even have any cats.

I’m thinking of starting Honorine.  Mostly because I want pictures to post in my blog, and  that’s the one really bad thing about sock knitting.  Once you’ve knit the first one, pictures of the second one really aren’t too exciting.  I mean, it looks just like the first one did.  :/

I got really pissed at work today, and, you guessed it, was thinking about quitting again.  I can’t believe how hard this decision is for me.  I used to walk out of jobs for not being allowed to internet.  And here I am, 9 hr days, no lunch break, stupid coworkers and customers, tons of work and stress, and I’m still here.  I guess I should give myself more credit, I *did* try to quit, my boss just didn’t accept it.  But if I was for real, if I really hate it this much, I shouldn’t have let him talk me (guilt me?) into staying.

And of course, I still want that car.  Never mind the fact that I’m supposed to be saving up like $1700 to get a bridge for the tooth they surgically removed last year.  I want that fricken RX-7.  :[

But Easter is a chocolate holiday for guys and girls, whereas Valentine’s Day, society seems to have deemed a Female holiday.  I have no idea why, since love is SUPPOSED to go two ways in a relationship.  I digress.

This weekend was fun.  Saturday I couldn’t stay in the house and decided to go looking for Dye. I was going to dye my sock yarn.  That didn’t quite work out, cause I couldn’t find any.  I was going to buy kool-aid, but when I thought about it, I could spend $1 for each  3 packets of color, I would need at least 8 packets for each skein I had (one packet per oz of yarn), but I wanted the colors to be darker, so probably more than that per skein.  And then the supermarket didn’t have the green kool-aid, so I’d have had to buy twice as many packets for the skein I’d planned on being green, and I’m thinking. . .30 packets of kool-aid. . .if I’m lucky (10 packets per skein, 20 for the green skein) that would be dark enough, but that’s already $10.  On Kool-aid.  This was supposed to be cheap.  I could buy a blue and a green jar of dye that’ll likely last me AGES for $3.99 a jar at KnitPicks, (plus shipping, but c’mon, like I’m going to buy something from KnitPicks that’s not yarn without buying yarn too, shipping is covered.).  Hmm.  Which is the better option here?  I think the starter kit for $20 would be perfect.   Anyhow, I didn’t find any dye, and I haven’t ordered any yet.

Sunday started out stupid, because sometimes everyone gets cranky.  It turned out alright though.  Rob and I went to this RX-7 meetup in Valley Stream, and I thought I was going to be totally bored and left out the whole time, but I wasn’t.  There were nice people there, and I even made a contact with a guy who’s going to be looking to sell a 1st gen soon.  It sounded awesome, but he didn’t give me a price yet, so we’ll see if he even contacts me at all.  It started snowing towards the end, and that was bizarre, considering it’s April.

Afterwards we went to Rob’s grandma’s for Easter dinner, which was pretty much just pasta and the other stuff she makes for family gatherings, which is awesome.  And then we came home.  We watched some Star Trek.  And we relaxed.  It was nice.   Perhaps the begininning of a Sunday night ritual, cause I could use some relaxing like that on a weekly basis.

Today at work some dude called me a useless cunt.  He was totally in the wrong too.  He called back much later (after I hung up on him, nicely) and wanted to apologize, but I wouldn’t speak to him.  Why give him the satisfaction of saying he’s sorry?  Would he really mean it?  Screw you buddy, hope you still feel guilty.

I kind of want to start this sweater, but I really want to finish the second mom sock first, so I’m back to my same old, same old.  Hopefully I can bang this sock out and get that sweater going.  :]

This is what Doom Faces look like.

Hung out with my sister and cousins last Saturday, and had a really fun time. We got to see Wyn’s new apt, and walked around parts of the city, and had tasty foods. Fun was had by all. My one cousin Connubius went back to San Diego though, back to grad school. . .to return maybe later on this year. :[

Miss you man.

The week's almost over, and I can't wait. Ever since I made the decision to stay at my job it seems that I'm determined to convince myself to change my mind. Apparrently I'm not happy with the decision. They continue to act like all day I'm just wasting time, even though I'm totally swamped with work that has to be done, that no one else is doing. It's very frustrating, and I'm really getting sick of it.

This weekend there's an RX-7 meetup, and I'm supposed to start looking for a 1st gen. It's been one of my dream cars pretty much since I've met Rob, and now I have a chance to actually buy one. Only I really shouldn't buy one if I'm going to quit my job. Cause, you know, when you quit your job, you stop getting those paychecks. If I get a 1st gen, I'd want to swap out the motor to a 2nd gen, so that it would be a more reliable car, and that just ups the price. *sigh* I don't NEED a new car, but it would be really, really nice to buy myself something I really want.

Speaking of buying myself stuff. . .I definitely bought myself some yarn for a new project on Ebay yesterday. I figured I still have nfc what I want to do with the gray yarn I bought from Rhinebeck, but I want to knit myself SOMETHING, so I might as well buy some yarn. I've had my eye on Honorine for a long while now, and so I took the plunge. I really, really, really wanted the same color as the pattern, char, but the only place that had it in stock (yarnmarket) went and had a broken shopping cart (in IE and Firefox, I checked). The only other places that had it were in the UK, and I'm not about to spend that much money on shipping yarn from OVERSEAS for crying out loud. So I went on ebay (I checked etsy first, but no such luck), and I found it from ONE seller in the US. ONE. And she had a couple of different colors, but not the one I wanted. So I got it in black instead. Argh. At least I'll have a cute shirt for the summer. I'm making the luxury cotton cap sleeved version. It shipped today. :]

Last night I had a dream that my chinchilla Turbo was all wet and twitchy and dead. I was horrified. Then later on in the dream he was alive again. Something to do with Easter coming up? I have nfc. Rob’s making us hamburger helper because he’s amazing, and I’m going to go read and wait for it. :]