What a weekend
It was so busy, and it’s over already.
Friday night I came home and mowed the lawn. Then Rob and I got into a stupid argument that took a while. After we made up we went grocery shopping. We made it home just in time for me to remember that I had to go pick up my sister at the train station. I brought her back and cooked dinner, and we all talked until she passed out, followed by me passing out, and I assume Rob passed out shortly thereafter.
Saturday was my day to get shit done supposedly. I dropped Wyn off at the train station, she had her own shit to do, and then I came back home with the intention of starting the dolls that I got an order for. I procrastinated. A lot. I did get them started though, there’s still a lot of work to be done on them. Then people started showing up, Wyn and my dad first, then my mom and brothers, who weren’t even supposed to come over, but they had to, and then Vinny and his girlfriend. Just enough of everyone who stresses me out a little bit, altogether at my house at once, yeah, it was a good time. Then Vinny left, then my dad, and two of Rob’s friends showed up and I told my mom she was going to have to go because everyone else who’d be drinking would be showing up soon and I didn’t really want my mom there for that. She said ok, and left after a little bit. But then no one else really showed up. Our ex roomate from the house before this one showed up with his girlfriend for a little while, and that was it. There were like, at least 7 other people who were supposed to come over, who totally just dicked out.
I’m not inviting people over anymore. Vinny pissed me off the most I think, he kept telling me that he was going to come over sometime and use my spinning wheel because he saw how to do it on Reading Rainbow once so he knew all about it. Then when I showed him the roving to spin, he proceeded to tell me that “I didn’t have everything I needed” because he remembered seeing hand carders and thinking that you had to use them to fluff up the wool before you could spin it. I was trying to explain to him that the roving I had was already carded, that carding was to clean out the wool and get it ready for spinning, and he had no idea what was going on, and kept insisting that my roving wasn’t ready for spinning. Because he saw it on Reading Rainbow.
It’s not like I did any kind of research before spending almost $500 on a wheel.
Then he was looking at my lace and the first thing he did was pull the last 10 stitches I’d knitted off the needle. I almost shit. It’s a good thing that shit is mohair because the loops stayed where they were for the most part, and I saved it. Then I hurried him out of my room.
I hate it when people are obnoxious in your house.
Today I saw my sister off and went to Rob’s parent’s for dinner and to lounge in the pool. It was nice, but it’s already 8pm on Sunday and I’ve got work tomorrow.
All weekend I’ve been thinking about how much my job affects my life because it constrains me to a finite time schedule. If I want to do anything, I’ve got to do it before such and such time so that I can still do what I have to in order to be ready for work the next day. But if Rob wants to do anything like go to the car store for stuff or something and he wants me to come with him, if it takes any longer than he says it will when we leave it messes up my whole schedule. Not like I’m any good at keeping my own mental schedule, but I try. I’ll have a somewhat planned agenda if I know that I have to cook dinner, shower, do laundry, and knit before I go to bed, I’ll plan the order of everything and try to get it all done. But somehow I can’t always do everything I want to before it’s time to go to sleep. Then when I wake up in the morning it never feels like I’ve had enough sleep. And it makes me angry. And the only thing I can think of to blame is work, because I’ve been spoiled enough to have been unemployed a couple of times, and I know how much more smoothly my life moves when I can wake up and go to sleep on my own terms. It also makes me less cranky because I won’t care as much if Rob wants to do something and it takes longer than we thought.
So I’ve been thinking about how I’ve got this stupid debt to pay off (which was part of the argument on Friday, which is probably why it’s weighing heavily on my mind this weekend), and how I’ve got this job that pays me so much, and I’ve got x number of bills to pay a month, and I want to save up for a better car and I want to help Rob save money to buy a house. And I’m thinking about how on my pay, how long it’s going to be before any of this can be accomplished, ie: paying off debt, getting my teeth fixed, saving up for said car and house. And how I’m just going to have to deal with not being able to do anything I want when I want for that long, because I have to keep this job until I get everything done. And that doesn’t make me very happy.
I try to think of ways, something, anything that I could work towards, some way of starting a business, to work for myself, on my own terms, so that I can live on my own schedule. I try to think of something, so that I can start planning, so that I can get started, so that I can tell myself, yes, you have to wake up and be at work at 8 am every day. . .but it’s only until x time, because then you’ll have your business running. So that I can know that I won’t have to be doing this for an infinite amount of time with no reward in sight.
I shouldn’t say that. Getting out of debt is a nice reward. But the way I look at it, I’ll be out of debt, but still having to wake up and be at work at 8 every morning. :/ I don’t want to live like this. I know it’s stupid because 90% or more of the population wakes up and goes to work in the morning. 90% or more of the population works for someone else and doesn’t like their job. I feel like I’m whining about it, and I should just deal with it and shut up. But I can’t do that. I’m not happy with it and I don’t want to accept it.
:/