Jeans and Sneakers

I bought some melatonin yesterday when we went grocery shopping.  I took some last night and I have to say it must have done something, because I didn’t get to sleep until around 2:30am.  Waking up this morning actually wasn’t so bad.  I don’t know if that was because I had accepted that I wasn’t going to get enough sleep, or if the stuff actually worked, and it’s a good thing.

It’s Thursday already.  I’ve accomplished nothing this week other than to spend too much money and try and make it through the week. No knitting, no reading. . .I did get to watch some movies, but that’s about it.

This coming weekend is a 4-day for Rob and I.  It’ll be nice to have a long weekend together.  It’s too bad about the timing though.  It’s not safe week, and that sucks.

You ever wake up and feel like the day will be disasterous? Today was something like that. I kept waking up last night at random times. Needless to say it didn’t make for a good night’s sleep. (Crap. That just reminded me, I wanted to try and find some melatonin. . .my friend Bay said that it’s supposed to help you get more restful sleep.) So naturally, waking up wasn’t a pleasant thing to do. My early morning was composed of me trying to think of a believable reason to call in to work, mixed with hitting the snooze button.

At work all day I was miserable. I frigging lost something that I need (or someone else misplaced it, because I could have SWORN that I put it in a folder. . .), and it made me start questioning my own competence. Rob didn’t get home last night until late, and we only had a short time together before I had to go to sleep. So today I missed him a lot more than usual (part of me is worried that missing him this much is unhealthy. . .but oh well.), and it made me even worse. I just wanted to go home and climb back in bed with him.

After work I came home to open some packages (more of those shirts I ordered, which I think might be all a teeny bit too big. . .I hope they shrink in the wash.) and then left again to go to a friend’s house where Rob was working on his car. I figured it’d be better to go over there “for a little while”, as Rob said he’d only be there for a short while to fix his car today, than to stay at home again and just sit here and miss him. I guess it was better, although I didn’t really get to hang out with him much, just be around him while he worked. When it turned 9pm I left, because I have to shower still and get things ready for tomorrow (and try to relax a little.). He said he’d be home soon. I told him we’ll see.

I’m thinking about making some popcorn and putting a movie on.

Time for an update, that is.

First and foremost, the first Jaywalker is done.  I give you, AJ#1:

So.  I’m kind of bummed about this.  I like the sock, don’t get me wrong.  But the heel totally effed up the neato spiral stripey thing the yarn had going on.  Then it finally came together again, but it pooled like a mofo, only to end in a less than pleasing toe.  I dunno, maybe I’m being too hard on her, but I expected more.  And the absolute killer?  I didn’t even check to see how much yarn I had before starting this sock.  Turns out if I’m knitting to gauge (I’m scared to check), I’m about 40 yards of yarn short on sock #2.  And this is Cherry Tree Hill Superwash Potluck Supersock Yarn.  Which basically means there’s no chance in hell of finding matching yarn.  When I bought this skein, it was the only one of it’s color in a whole shipment that Karen the yarnstore lady got.  So I think I’m going to be ghetto and knit the toe of sock #2 with an entirely different yarn.  Probably in red.

But that’s a problem for later, because I promised myself that I wouldn’t start the second sock until after I completed this frigging shawl for my mother. . .that I still haven’t successfully started yet.  I bought some bryspuns cause people said they were great for getting under thin yarn, but I think they’re too short, only 10″, and I’m scared to try again.  My mom even said (when I told her that her surprise very late present is kicking my ass,) “why don’t you just not make it then?”, but I don’t think I can do that.  Now I’m worried that I’ll just keep telling myself that I’ll pick it up eventually, and never actually do it.

On to non-knitting news, I really like white russians.  Saturday night after a friend’s graduation party, I bought a bottle of kahlua and made some white russians for Rob and I.  They were tasty delicious.  Then I got all tired and wanted to go to sleep, but Rob and I got into an argument.   Birth control can really screw with a person, and thus, screw with their relationship.  I ended up leaving and getting a coffee with Stephen at the diner while he let me vent about things. When I came home, we were able to talk about things and make up.  Making up is the best part.  :]

Sunday was running around like mad.  Rob got his turbo back and got his car running, and then we had to go get stuff for it so he could take it to a friend’s house to fix his exhaust. . .then dinner at his parent’s house. . .it was a busy day.  And night.  :]

Which leads me to waking up for work today and being exhausted and already missing him.   I haven’t seen him all day because he had errands to run and hasn’t been home since around 11 this morning.  I miss him.  :[

Today was my boss’ first day back to work from his honeymoon.  He was all tan and chill.  Good times.  Today was kind of stressful though.  I had some stupid emotional moments, but I didn’t blow up or anything.

When I came home, one of my 13 new shirts was waiting for me with my $1 makeup.  I haven’t used any of the makeup yet cause it feels like a waste, just to go to bed and have to wash it off.  I did try the two chapsticks I got with it though, and I think I have a new favorite, which is pretty impressive, since chapstick is like crack for me.

Found out today that I have next Monday AND Tuesday off of work for the holiday.  How frigging awesome.  And on that note. . . I’m out.

Even my coworkers admitted that today was THE worst day with annoying customers. I’m so glad it’s over.

When I got home I tried to relax for a little while before going to the girly doctor. I did almost too well, I nearly fell asleep. Thankfully the appointment didn’t take very long, and I was home before I knew it.

Rob and I watched 48 Hours, and then I wasted a bunch of time playing unscramble in an irc channel. Yes. I’m that much of a dork.

Looking forward to the weekend, and I failed at going grocery shopping today. I did do two rows on the jaywalker though. *laughs*

I think I’ll try and get some extra sleep.

Edit:  It was an intern at the girly doctor.  But this one wasn’t as bad as the one I had last year.  And yesterday I forgot to mention that I found makeup for cheap.  I’ll plug it like mad if I find that it’s good when it comes in the mail.  And also, my jaywalker progress meter is all effed up, because I had been putting percentage of one sock, not two, which is why it’s been at around 50 for awhile, because I stopped updating when I realized that I’m not yet at 50 cause I haven’t completed a whole sock.  Man I can be dull sometimes! (As in, not sharp. . .)

I wanted to say thanks to Scribe and Shirah for the comments on yesterday’s post.  I really felt like crap, and part of it drifted over to today.  Blah.  Scribe, we should totally hang out sometime soon.  I think I remember you saying you liked indian food.  Do you know of any places on long island that make Dosas?  I’ve been craving one hardcore.

Today I got my Bryspuns in the mail.  Did I mention I ordered a pair to try one last time (maybe not *last* time, but you know) with the stupid Birch Shawl that’s kicking my ass?  Well, if I didn’t, there you have it, I ordered some.  So now I have no excuse for not working on the shawl. . .from the start. . .again.  Well, maybe just one teeny excuse.  I’m worried because I only got 10″ needles, which I know will be fine when I get down in the decreases, but I’m concerned about 299 stitches on 10″ needles. . .even if it is silk and mohair.

I’ve also been doing a row here and there on the Jaywalkers. . .and the first sock isn’t done yet.  I’ve got about two inches of foot before I can start (and finish) the toe.  It’s going slow because I keep putting them down.  I’ll literally do between 2-6 rows a day.  I’m going to try to bang more out today.  I hope the next two pairs of socks go more quickly.  :[

I was thinking today about how part of why I’m bummed too is because I don’t get to spend so much time with Rob.  I was totally spoiled before, when I was unemployed and I got to spend all day, every day with him.  Astonishingly, we pretty much never fought during that period of time.  If anything, we were sublimely close then, and I miss it.  And now, as I grudgingly go to work every morning, I try to think of some way to work for myself so that I can stay home and spend more time with him.  Which today kind of hit a wall because I realized that by the time I pay off my debt and save up for a car, he’ll have long since been required to be at work more often.  His company has plans, they won’t take effect until mid to late next year, but once they do. . .I have no idea what’s going to happen.  I can’t imagine Rob having to wake up early to go to work in the *morning*.  But if by then I could make some kind of home business or something for myself, he won’t be around as much, so there goes that plan.  :/

Last night I had a dream that some anonymous rapper of high acclaim had it in for me, and put out a hit on me.  The guy he sent to kill me used a kind of injected poison that is injected when you’re awake, and the poison takes two days to kill you, with no side effects, so that you walk around for 2 days knowing that you’re going to die, and not being able to do anything about it.  In the dream I kept freaking out and trying to find an antidote, and just in case trying to make sure that Turbo would have a home.  (I have no idea where Rob was in the dream)

I found a site that’s got a bunch of cool stuff I can’t afford.  :[  And everything I saw I thought “Hey, I could probably make that,” but then came the afterthought, “yeah, but I can’t afford the materials to try either.” 

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the girly doctor.  I’m not really looking forward to it at all, (especially since they say “Nothing in or around the vagina for three days prior,”  Why is it that I want to play all the more when I’m not allowed to?) but I do have some questions I want to ask the doctor, so hopefully I get the one I’m comfortable with, and not an intern like last time.

I’ve been pretty down today.  It’s the weirdest thing. My comfort place is bed (some people eat, I curl up in bed.  In high school I used to sleep most of the day when I was down.), and so I’m blogging from the laptop instead of my desktop which is literally about 5 feet from me.  I can’t type on my desktop while lying in bed.  Wireless is nice.

Anyway, yeah.  So I’m in a bit of a funk, and I’m having a hard time figuring it out entirely.   I think parts of it are being lonely, because although I have Rob, I can’t rely on him for all of my emotional support/interaction.  It’s not fair to try, and I don’t think it’s healthy or even possible for me to do.

I’ve been feeling like a bit of a weirdo lately.  I think a lot of it is because of my coworkers, and the way they live, and view me.  I try not to let anyone’s opinion of me get to me, but when you’re spending 9 hours a day, 5 days a week with people. . .well, when I do, I can’t help but try to interact a little, to socialize.  And I had a conversation with one of my few friends about this before, how with my coworkers, I should just work with them, and keep the socializing to a minimum, not because I don’t like them, but because they’re somewhat close-minded, and I don’t ever get any good feedback from talking to them about my personal life.  Ever.  But I can’t help it.  I like talking to people, and I need that interaction.  I always have.  And now when I talk to my coworkers about my weekend or whatever (which is never all that strange. . . ok, so I knit, and I like Nine Inch Nails.  I could be way weirder. . .), they respond acting like I’m the oddest thing they’ve ever encountered.  If I am. . .I’m surprised either of them went to college, or interacted with the world at all.  But I digress.  They’re making me feel like I’m a freak or something.  And I have no one but Rob to tell me otherwise.

Lately when I do talk to the friends I do have (which are all online, ha), the conversations are weird.  It feels like people are just talking to me to be polite.  I’m probably looking way too far into things, they’re probably doing other things, but that makes me jealous.  What other things are they doing?  Why don’t I have any other things to do?  I can try to make myself do something to not notice how I can’t hold a conversation anymore, but that’s a blatant diversion.  I know what I’m doing to myself, and regardless of if it works or not, it’s not solving the problem, and I’m sick of feeling like this.

:/

You can’t really go looking for friends at 24.  Everyone assumes you’re looking for sex.  I get sex.  Very good sex.  And my boyfriend is my best friend.  But I miss having friends.  Plural.  So that when one person is busy doing something, or is absolutely sick of you, and you still are bored, you can call someone else to hang out.  Or just having someone who likes some things that your significant other might not be interested in.  Like Broadway musicals.  Or getting your eyebrows done.

I’m jealous of Rob because he has friends.  It’s retarded.  But it makes me itch, knowing that I used to get phone calls, that people used to want to hang out, or just see how I was doing, and now that I’ve been in a relationship for a long while, people stopped calling.  Because the people who were calling were guys.  And they realized I’m not available anymore.  It bothers me thinking about how the only reason my “friends” called was to invest in some possible future fuck.  I had two female friends since high school.  One stopped calling and wanting to hang out when I called after she got engaged.  The other just decided she didn’t want to pick up when I called or answer my ims anymore.  I have no idea what happened there.

So yeah.  I’ve been down.  Feeling kind of inept at making friends, or whatever.

I had tried to make sure that this weekend had no plans so that Rob and I could finally relax. But things never quite end up the way you plan them do they? At least this weekend it was for the better!

Friday my mom called me saying that she saw an ad for a concert in September and she was wondering if I wanted her to get me tickets as a birthday present. The concert she asked me about I wasn’t too interested in, but I asked Rob anyway. That lead to him looking to see what other concerts were happening at Jones Beach this summer. Which lead to him finding really great seat tickets to a Nine Inch Nails concert on Saturday. That he bought. :] So Saturday we ended up going to that. Which was freaking awesome. They totally know how to put on a great show.

Today was pretty laid back. I woke up and laid out on my deck for a little while. I called my dad to wish him a happy Father’s Day, and waited for Rob to wake up. When he did we got ready to go to his parent’s house for dinner. Dinner was great, we had all different kinds of tempura. Then we came home and watched Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome. And after a fun while we went out to get ices with a couple of friends.

So the weekend is over, but it was great. Not too fussy, but not boring. And tomorrow it’s back to work. I should get some rest. :]

A while back I had an idea for a website that might have been worth more than my initial side-project-hoping-to-become-a-business might be if I ever took it seriously. I was pretty excited about it (about as excited as I was when I first hatched my initial side proj.), and pretty much convinced myself that my initial side project, even though I already own the domains for it, won’t fly because someone’s kind of already doing it.

So I put all of my dreamy ideas into this new project. And then, just when I’d thought up a good domain name and was just waiting for my paycheck to come so that I could buy it. . .I found another site that already has the traffic, that serves the same purpose as my new project idea would.

So part of me is like, “so what?!! If everyone who had an idea was like, ‘oh, I can’t do this because I just found out so-and-so did it already’ then the world would be full of monopolies!” ( I know, there are some serious monopolies in the world, but there are MANY competitive companies out there doing things that other companies are already doing.) My question now to myself is, should I go ahead and try to launch this thing on the intArweb that someone’s already done? Do I think I can (or even would, considering my track record with spontaneous ideas and little to absolutely no follow through) make a site doing something that’s already been done, but still prosper with it?

I don’t know. The other part of me is scared to try to get into something new, knowing full well the likelyhood of me spending a little bit of time and money on it, and then just dropping it completely. I wish I had some kind of discipline, so that I could make myself really and truely work at something so that I can see the benefits of working at it, and enjoy the fruits of my labor. As opposed to just coming up with an idea and being like “yeah it would be so awesome if I could do that!” and then spending my entire afternoon and evening reading a book, or browsing the net. :[

But I have been cooking. Tonight I made my mom's awesome alfredo sauce, and even baked a loaf of banana bread. I have stuff to make regular bread too. I can't wait to try that. It's fun watching the yeast rise, and beating the dough back down.

Tomorrow is 2 and 10 with Rob. This year is flying by so fast. In two months, it'll have been 3 years!! Thank god I don't get bored with him as easily as I do everything else. :] Too bad no one will pay me to work on him. ;]

This morning around 5am, Turbo (our chinchilla) woke us up by chewing on his cage. I don’t know wtf was wrong with him, because Rob let him out for a good two hours last night. Usually after that long playing, he puts himself back in his cage and passes out for the rest of the morning/day, waking occasionally to eat and stare at us. But this morning he was relentless. Rob tried giving him treats, a lava rock, telling him to stfu, but nothing worked. He ended up putting Turbo in his old cage that’s still in the kitchen, just so that we could get the rest of our night’s sleep. What a pain in the ass. I hope he doesn’t do it again tonight/tomorrow morning, I’m running on serious lack of good sleep this week.

In all the hooplah of getting ready to *go* to the wedding, ie: getting a dress, getting a present, getting Rob to go shopping for a suit, and just overall being worried because that’s what I do, I haven’t gotten much knitting done. I’ve worked a few more rows on the applejack sock, but that’s about it. I totally suck and haven’t touched the shawl. :[ Hopefully this weekend I can force myself to sit and work on it.

The wedding itself was pretty fun. I had no idea that my boss could bounce around as much as he did, and I was happy that Rob was well received, (not like the fiasco at my aunt's wedding.). I had a pretty good time, and got a little tipsy. Found out I kind of like whiskey sours. I didn't take many pictures while we were there, and we didn't get any full body shots of ourselves until we actually made it back home, so here it is:

Did I mention my baby is hot in a suit? I kind of always figured he would be, he's got the build to fill one out nicely, but I never actually thought I'd see it. :]

All in all, it was a good time, even though I only danced sitting at the dinner table. They had a band that would have been awesome if they had a sound tech to turn everything down. It was entirely too loud, and a little obnoxious at times. But the singers were good, the guitarist was awesome, and they even did a *good* cover of Hey Ya. I forgot how much I like that song. :]

Coming back to work after a dashed away weekend and drinking on a Sunday wasn’t too nice. Today’s only Tuesday and I’m already behind in my work. That’s mostly because my boss is on his honeymoon though, and our site has ridiculous ranking right now. It’s great for the business, but it makes me kind of freak out when my desk is covered in stuff and I’m worried about remembering exactly what everything is after taking three phone calls. I’m definitely looking forward to a weekend in which we do nothing and go nowhere. The last few weekends have contained far too much running around.

And hopefully, I can get some knitting done!! I’m fallng behind there too!

But check this out, if you’ve got a little bit of free time to read a really long story, check out this page:

http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/ 

Most of the people I know on the internet know about this already, but I’m all for humiliating retards who don’t have the decency to return something that’s not theirs, especially when a reward was offered.