Jeans and Sneakers

It’s almost the end of the first week of school for me.  It’s been both stressful and rewarding.

I ended up dropping out of the physics class, and I’m downgrading to pre-calculus because my last precalc class just did not prepare me for anything.  But I’m on the right track.

The administration here is wonderful, everyone is very helpful, all of the teachers are passionate about their subjects, they make you have an interest because of their enthusiasm and passion.  It’s a good feeling.

I’m doing well in drawing, which is nice, but it’s still only the first week so we’ll see if I improve still.  I hope to.  I want to take painting next!

A surprise to me: finding out that I’m really interested in cultural anthropology.  It’s like an extension of my natural interest in people, and why they do what they do.  I just never really knew what anthropology was.  My anthro professor is awesome, this old English dude who’s been teaching the class for at least 25 years.  Fantastic.  I’m very excited about this course and where it may lead me.

My computer science teacher is hilarious, and also very passionate about his subject matter.  I look forward to his assignments, as I think they’ll be both challenging and interesting.  Yay!  Real school!!

We’ll see how precalc goes, but I’m hoping to review and gain a better understanding of what little I did manage to learn last semester, and then further learn everything we inconveniently didn’t cover.

That’s it for now.  :]

Oh my goodness.

Orientation for Stony Brook was today, and I’d be lying if I said that much of it wasn’t a huge waste of time.  There was a lot of repeated information that didn’t need to be spoon fed to us, and I missed out on some opportunities to get some things done.  Like find where my first class of the day is tomorrow morning– bright and early at 8:30 am.  I think I’m going to need coffee.

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but every time wordpress updates I turn into an imbecile.  For some reason, even though I’ve had this blog for YEARS, I can’t remember all of the steps to updating (I host my own blog on my server, and obviously I’m still learning the ins and outs of linux, apache, and all that good stuff).  There’s one vital thing I’m missing, and I can’t figure it out. . .ARGH!

Everything’s going so slow.  My mitten is crawling because I have no free time.  Work is going slow. . .and that’s all I’m going to say about that.  The semester is CRAWLING and I want out of this frigging school.  I’m not even going to go into all the BS I went through this week with the administration and trying to get my certificate for programming. . . ugh.

My side work project is going slow. . .also because of lack of time and the infrequent meetings of the client.

Bleh.  Things have been so busy and I feel like I can’t catch up, no matter how much “rest” time I try to cram in.  It’s probably because it is crammed in. :/  I guess I’m just stressed.

I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year!! And it might actually be a big affair too!  My family and Rob’s parents, and possibly my aunt and their family.  YAY!  I’m planning on making so much awesome food, I just have to sit down sometime and write out a menu of what I want so that I can remember to make it all and go grocery shopping accordingly.

I’m trying so hard to not listen to xmas music yet.  I got a bunch of it from Rob’s grandma, and I put it in my itunes. . .and it keeps coming up on random.  I really WANT to listen to it, but my rule has always been, and remains, no xmas music until after Thanksgiving.

New Stephen King book came out today and I completely forgot during business hours.  I’ll have to get it soon.  I still have to read Paper Towns. Blehhhhh Not enough time!

Ugh.

I got the job I interviewed for.  Yesterday was my first day.  So far, I haven’t really done anything, it’s been kind of a crazy week for the people who already work there, and it’s only Tuesday.  I’m already starting to question how long this job will last, but we’ll see.  I have some reasons to want to hold on to it (in a semi-but-not-completely prioritized list):

• I have at least two person to person debts I have to pay back.
• I have a maxed out low limit credit card to pay off
• I have a $200 yarn wishlist (I know this seems kind of ridiculous, but seriously, I’m getting back into knitting, so I think this is a good thing)
• I need a new winter coat and boots
• Saving up some money would be nice
• Paying off my college loans from SJC would be REALLY nice

So I have some incentive to try and make it work.  I need to cut back on the coffee though, and get back on a normal sleep schedule.

So I started a new knitting project, and I don’t even know if it’s going to work out.  I fell in love with the Norwegian Totoro Mittens, but I absolutely hate mittens with thumbs that come out of the palm.  After thinking it over, I gave in and finally bought the Anemoi Mittens pattern, and used Eunny’s blank last page template to redraw the Totoro graph.  The only problem is, I had already bought DK weight yarn for the Norweigan mittens.  I’m trying to make it work with smaller needles, but I’m not sure how it’s going to come out.  The most frustrating thing is not having any time to knit!!  Between work, school, homework, and freelance work, I’m pretty freaking swamped right now.  :[

Plus, I dyed some yarn for a Thermal.

See?  Isn't it gorgeous?  There's another issue with this though, I only bought one order of Henry's Attic Kona Superwash Fingering. According to blumunchie on Ravelry, the amount of yarn I have is not enough for a full sweater.  She made hers with 3/4 sleeves.  3/4 sleeves are nice sometimes. . .I don't know if I'll be happy with that, but I'll try.

Anyway, I have no time for this stuff, and this is just the yarn I HAVE.  Last night I may have ordered four patterns from the Twist Collective.  And I have a skein of sock yarn on the way from 100purewool.com.

How else am I out of my mind you ask?  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, midterms start next week, I'm planning on participating in NaNoWriMo next month, and I've got two research papers to do this semester.  :]

My blog needs an overhaul.  Some kind of incentive to keep writing.  I haven’t been writing much at all so when I do write each post ends up like a tome.

Well school started, and that’s ok I guess.  I’m taking a lot more classes during the day this semester, and it’s forcing me to realize my age.  I turned 28 two weeks ago, and I can’t believe the immaturity level of regular-aged college kids.  They’re facebooking through class, they’re texting someone, they’re talking to each other.  Honestly, it’s like high school, no one cares about anything.

My classes are ok.  Still pretty boring, but the teachers are nice enough.  All of my teachers this semester are women.  That’s weird to me.  So far they at least seem to know what they’re talking about.  Mostly.

I have a job interview on Friday.  We’ll see how that goes.  My schedule’s all screwy and will probably get worse next semester after I transfer. Either way though, I need some more cash.

Havokfest was this weekend, and it was a lot more chill than I thought it would be.  I had a good time, and found some beer that I actually like.

That’s it for now.  :]

Since I’m doing the whole school thing, this marks my second “last day of summer” since I was like 18.  I start classes on Wednesday, and today will be ridiculous.  I have many, many errands to run, and then I have to come home and work.  This week is going to be kind of crazy, what with the party we’re throwing this weekend and all.  I’m kind of dreading it, but hopefully it will be fun, and over soonish.

I should definitely be sleeping but somehow I stayed up watching Rob play GTA4 and looking for the title for my car. Now I’m up blogging, god knows why.

Sleep has been uneasy for me lately, I’ve been having nightmares of the social persuasion (as opposed to nightmares of the monster persuasion, or embarrassment persuasion, etc.) and when I wake up I’ve got a monster headache that doesn’t go away for most of the day, despite taking advil or some such.

Hopefully the two hours of sleep I’m about to get is slightly more pleasant.

It is the wee hours of September 6th.  I am 28 years old.  There has been much to be happy about recently.  Our wedding.  Being in Barbados. Being back home and having the lower level completed. My birthday.

But Rob’s grandma passed away last week. And again, just like when my grandmother died, I am confronted with death.

Death and I don’t get along very well. One might say it scares the living shit out of me, full pun intended. Aside from grieving the loss of Mary Melito, there is something else pulling at the corners of my mind.  Making every second of every day tainted with a morbid hue.  It’s as if all of the enjoyment there was in my life has been desaturated, leaving only a faint trace of the feeling that any endeavor is worth the effort.

I do not want to feel this way after having just been married.  Rob is worried about me, I can tell, and he’s constantly asking me if I’m alright.  But what can I tell him? He knows I’m scared of death, I’ve told him so myself, and he’s seen the fringes of my death-related anxiety.  He never wants to talk about it because he claims that the thought frightens him as well. I find it hard to believe that anything frightens my husband.  But not impossible to believe.

It’s not actually just like it was before.  I have a lot more in my life now.  I have a husband, I have a house, a chinchilla, I’m going to school to try and get a better job, and I’m trying to seriously figure out what to do with my life.  This is exponentially harder when you don’t see the use in anything.

One of Rob’s friends is engaged to a person who is possibly the only clinically depressed person I’ve known.  I spoke with her at some length the other day, and while much of what she was saying far overshadowed anything I’ve ever felt, some aspects of what she told me rang true. I’m probably depressed.

My husband and I, surviving through all of the photos.

We made it home, after an amazing time in Barbados which, after the wedding and hanging out with people, it did not take long to realize that we planned a REALLY long vacation/honeymoon.

We’re homebodies.  For us to be away from the house for 9 days. . .with limited internet access. . . was interesting to say the least.  I read 3 books.  Rob read 2. We went to the beach a LOT. We ate food.  We saved a crab from our private plunge pool and we tried to catch a teeny frog.

Anyway, we’re home now, and there’s much to be excited about! The lower level of our house is mostly complete!  We had the carpet installed yesterday, and last night Rob set up his amazing 7.2 speaker/home theater system.  We inaugurated the event by watching The Dark Knight, and it was awesome!  So much better than going to the movies, on so many levels. (I can have a blanket if I get too cold, our seats recline fully, there are no annoying people getting up or talking through the show, and if we wanted. . .we could watch movies naked! WIN!)

I love our new set up, but it has become obvious, as I knew it would, that there is no place in the house (not even my room) where I can “escape to” if Rob feels like listening to music really loud on his system. Which he frequently does when he’s got a system worth blasting.  Which is DEFINITELY the case now.

I’ll be starting school in September, (and I just saved like $400 on books! WORD! Thanks Ebay!) and school means homework and studying.  Now I’m not saying that Rob is so unsympathetic as to blast music when I have to study.  If I ever asked him, he would undoubtedly turn his music down.  My problem is, I look at it like this: Why should Rob have to turn down his music when he wants to listen to it loudly just because I have to study? I think I might be spending some time at the library this semester.  Also, I’m pretty sure I need to get a more traditional “job”.

I’m really not happy about the job situation, but it comes down to this.  Weddings, even ones that are planned with every best intention to be as cheap as possible, are expensive.  My bills still come in every month, I owe people money for some of the wedding planning, and I need a steady source of capital to pay it back.

I wonder what kind of job I can get with my school schedule that will be worth doing.  I have at least two days of the week where I have class in the morning, and then the other days I have class at night.  So I can’t get a full time day job, or a full time night job either.  Which brings me to part time, which also makes me sad.  Most part time jobs don’t pay very much.  :/

While in Barbados, all of the boredom free time gave me a chance to stop and sort of take stock in my life, my current situation, and things of that nature. And what I found was sort of worrisome.  I’m not sure if computing is still a field I want to work in.  I mean, I still have interests in programming and such, but the more I think about the likelihood of me finding a job in a related field that I’ll enjoy and that pays me what I want to be paid. . .I dunno.  I mean, that was part of my whole reasoning for going back to school, was to try and get into a field I enjoy and to make more money than a secretary’s salary. I haven’t made any life changing decisions, I’m going to continue going to school, but I am thinking about it now, with a mind open to how well I adjust to my upcoming classes.  I don’t know, we’ll see. I miss doing crafty things. :[

I also really want to write.  I’ve been watching episodes of The Vlog Brothers on YouTube, and with all the talk about John Green’s book Paper Towns (I know I haven’t caught up yet), and having read 3 books in the past week, I really want to try writing a book.  I already had plans to actually participate in NaNoWriMo this year. But something else in me wants to write a book NOW, not wait until November.  The obvious problem with this urge is of course, the lack of book idea. Hopefully I can come up with something and start writing.

I also have a slight urge to start up a YouTube channel.  I’ve had a really fun idea for a few years now, and I think that I could turn it into something awesome. . .if I get motivated enough to actually do it.

And that’s all for my rambling update for now.  I have not been knitting.  A fact that I hope to remedy soon.

Yesterday was awesome and went by so quickly, it’s over already! We’re married and happy, and we’re going to relax for the rest of the week.

It is Wednesday, August 12th.  HOLY EFF.  Where did the time go?! In 24 hours, I will be getting ready to leave my house, to drive to JFK airport. . .to FLY TO BARBADOS. . .to get MARRIED!!  YAY!!!

Seriously, I am so incredibly excited.  SO SO SO SO SO excited. We got luggage, and I started packing, and we’re talking about making a movie list for movies to bring to watch on the flight.  I have to get my nails done tomorrow, but I’m wondering if it’s really going to last until Saturday, so I’m seriously also considering just doing my own nails on like, Friday or something.

I wasn’t supposed to be awake now.  I woke up at like 9 am today (I really mean yesterday, Tuesday), but then was so awesomely comfortable in bed that I stayed there. Now it’s 5 am and I’m still awake.  Though I am kind of tired, I don’t know if I should go to sleep, because it’s going to seriously mess up my proposed schedule for tomorrow (today).  We were supposed to wake up at like 8am, so that we’d be tired enough to go to sleep early so that we could wake up at 4:30 am on Thursday to leave by 5:30. And here it is, almost 5:30 am on Wednesday, and I haven’t slept yet.  And I have to give Rob a haircut.

Refraining from beginning this sentence with “Seriously,” because I did that already, I am not joking when I say that I’m so excited right now, and I don’t know how to better express it.  I feel like jumping around and dancing, but I am starting to get a little bit sleepy so I’m not going to.

I’ve been watching the Vlog Brothers videos (holy crap it’s hard to type with long nails and not typo.  Backspace is my best friend for this post.), and I have been greatly influenced by them.  I want to start making vlogs again, only I had an idea about making a weekly show or something that wasnt’ a vlog but like . .a show.  A fictional show, sort of like a short story, but a short show.  So every time I posted a video, it would be this little mini movie or something, that I’d write, and then act out.

We have a video camera, so I CAN do this, I just haven’t yet. Maybe when I get back from BARBADOS HOLY EFF IM GETTING MARRIED!!!

It’s been a really long time since I’ve been planning for my wedding and stuff, and there’s been a lot of stress and waiting and hoping and wondering and anticipation in the whole thing for me and now that it’s 4 days away (HOLY CRAP) I’m really starting to bug out in the best way possible.

In weird other news, my stomach was not bloated today for the first time in since I can remember in my short term memory. I thought about what I ate yesterday and realized that I did not eat anything bready yesterday.  I heard about this disease or digestive intolerance of wheat gluten, and I really do think I might have it which would suck because I love bread and cakes and stuff that has wheat gluten in it.

I just looked it up.  Celiac disease.  Apparently it’s really hard to tell if you have it by symptoms alone since it’s symptoms vary wildly in different people.  All I know is, my stomach has been bloated for at least a month straight, and this morning (Tuesday) I woke up and it was mostly flat (I’ve gained some weight. :[ ), and I didn’t have anything bready or wheaty in the past day. I tried to not have anything bready or wheaty today to see if it would continue, but I sort of failed.  I don’t know if those noodles you get with wonton soup have wheat in them, but I ate some on my asian chicken salad from Panera today.  And I also had some Smartfood popcorn, which may not have wheat gluten in it, but it did have cheese on it, which I know gives me gas.  STUPID LACTOSE!!!

Anyway, I’m really, really, really, really excited that it’s almost time to go to BARBADOS!!  And I have to go take a shower now.